No one said it would be this hard.

"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard."

Hi guys(: Sorry for the lack of updates. A lot of things has been going on in this past week. I got back my CTs results and I screwed up completely. I did even worse than I expected myself to do. I screwed up Bio, like I thought I would and I think I got the lowest in class. I screwed up for geog cos apparently, I forgot to draw the diagrams for the essay. I screwed up for chem and I had the shock of my life cos I worked so damn hard for that and I expected myself to do quite well, but no, my hardwork never pays off, so I screwed everything up all over again. The only subjects I'm quite satisfied with are like Chinese and Maths 1, and maybe LA. I'm dreading to receive the remaining papers after OBS cos I seriously can't take any more pressure of receiving my results and having to look at the faces of disappointment on my teachers and my parents.

PS. Special mentions to: 
Kelly (ng) for coming up to me after school to ask me if I'm okay after we got back our results (:
Rachel (wam) for texting me and telling me that results isn't everything and asking me to cheer up (:
Kelly (gan) for being there for me the whole time at Mountbatten MRT, listening to me vent and cry and giving me that encouragement that I really needed at that time. That meant a lot to me so thank you (:
The really nice Anon on ask.fm for telling me that what matters most is that I tried my best and  there's still term 3 to go so it's not the end, after reading my blog(: ps. it would be nice to know who you are :P but no matter what, thanks a lot (: *edited*

Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I work, it never pays off cos at the end of the day, I still don't do well and I always fail to meet up to people's expectations of me and I disappoint my parents all the time. But then again, I'm just so tired of trying to meet up to people's expectations and trying to please everyone around me and making them happy cos I don't feel happy at all.

Mrs Lim called me up to talk to me during TRP cos we didn't have anything to do and she talked to me about my Bio results as well as about myself and how I'm handling everything. She told me that she thinks that I feel very stress and that I look very tense every day when she sees me, and she told me that I should find someone to talk to be it, my parents, my friends, her or the school counselor. But, what she doesn't realise is that I already realise all these problems of myself a long time ago, and at the end of the day, it's me that chooses to keep everything to myself even though I know its bad. Isn't bottling everything inside yourself better than having to burden the people around you? So I did a lot of thinking after that and I had to rush out my chinese jianbao after school, cos I totally forgot about it over the past few days. Then, me and Kelly (gan) went to have lunch together at KFC (:

Oh and OBS camp groupings are out and I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I guess it's a good thing that I have 7 out of 16 people that I know personally there but then again, I'm really dreading OBS. It's just the idea of having to go to camp that makes me dread everything. I haven't even gotten my camp stuff ready, and we have to reach school by 7am on monday which means I have to wake up at 5 freaking AM in the morning to get ready cos I live far away from the school. FML.

Anyway, I shall stop the ranting lol, till next time guys (:

I feel like I'm the world's biggest disappointment, disappointing everyone, and I feel so damn useless cos I'm doing really badly in my class where everyone else around me seems to be doing so well in every single thing. Way to make me feel pathetic guys. And I feel like I'm gonna fall apart any time now, cos I'm so tired of trying to cope, trying to seem like everything's okay, when really, all I feel is that I'm just really broken. There's way too much problems for me to cope and no one seems to really care. The one thing that passes through my mind every single day: "Why the hell am I trying so hard to please everyone and to cope? Cos I don't seem to be getting anything out of it at all." 

Sorry for this really quite depressing post guys, I just needed to get this all out.