Love me like you do

"He took my arm, I don't know how it happened. We took the floor"

The past 3 days have been pretty great hehe :)

On thursday, we had national day celebration in school to celebrate our nation's SG50 and honestly, it was the worst and most boring celebration I have ever attended, until the SLs came and took the stage, and started popping confettis all over the hall LOLOL. The celebration became slightly better afterwards and we were throwing confettis at each other and some of us were stuffing confettis into Leo's shirt so that when he ran around and stuff, he would be raining confettis HAHAHAHA. After the celebration ended, me, Josh, Cher, Kennee, JR and Justin went to help the class get tickets for Fantastic 4 cos we were the only ones who didn't have college day, and we kinda stayed in school for an hour plus before we left cos me and Cher were having some girl talk and the guys wanted to give us our space which was really nice of them. 

Cher (if you read this) I know you're going through a pretty rough time now but the grass is greener on the other side so look on the bright side of things alright? Don't let what anyone else has to say or what they think affect you cos you know you deserve better, and you are a brave and strong girl who will make it pass all the obstacles in your life. You are such a wonderful friend and such a wonderful person, and please don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And when you feel like you're alone and stuff, please know that you still have me, and make the best out of everything okay! :) Lav youuuu❤❤

After the girl talk and stuff, we left school and bought the tickets before lepaking at northpoint till the rest of them came, and we went to watch Fantastic 4. Fantastic 4 sucked ass wtf. I have never watched a movie in the cinema before and I thought it was bad, until this movie cos it was so horrible, I wasted my money booo ): But the company made it alot better hahahaha :)

After the movie, some of the class left cos they had other plans, while the rest stayed and we went to eat dominoes for dinner cos there was this 50% discount offer going on which made the pizzas really cheap and worth the money, and we had so much fun while eating our dinner, it really made up for the whole day hahaha :)

On friday, me and Josh made plans to go to SAM and the exhibitions there were quite nice though there were some really scary ones like the live human exhibition LOLOL We were both scared of that so we hurried our way in and out of that area HAHAHAHA. Honestly, I can't really remember the things we saw at SAM cos the only thing I remembered was being there with him which was really nice hehe. But I remember we were looking at this exhibition and we heard this aunty saying she saw a girl in the art piece and me and Josh walked back after the aunty left to look for the girl, and all we saw were plants and leaves LOLOL. Josh said that we're the normal people and I guess we just aren't artsy-fartsy HAHAHA. After looking at the exhibitions, we went to the museum shop and we saw many cool things there that were being sold at ridiculous prices except for a few which were still kinda reasonable. Then we went to the photobooth and I swear that was the worst photobooth I've ever done but the funniest HAHAHA. The photos were so bad, but I still laugh at the photos now everytime I look at it, so I guess that's what matters the most :) We were gonna retake the photos at the booth but the note machine wasn't working and we ran out of coins so we just left. But this just gives us a reason to go back there together again hehe. After we left SAM, we went to the suntec convention centre shopping mall and we just walked around, and we found ourselves in Toys 'R US and we acted like 2 over grown kids there it was quite funny, but really fun too hehehe. After we left the convention centre, we went to marina bay sands and we somehow found ourselves out of the MBS building and we were by the Singapore River and the view there is so beautiful, and as we walked along the river to a quieter spot, everything just seemed so peaceful and quiet, and it's like that was all that mattered in that moment. I loved it there. I told Josh that if I ever get chased out of my house LOLOL I would bring like a few cardboards there and just stay there cos it's so calm there. We left after standing there and just talking to each other, and enjoying each other's presence for awhile, and I went home. It was a really great day though some shit happened at home that night. It is always a great time with him and I love his company❤❤❤

Yesterday, I met up with Felicia and Chan (Christine) who I haven't seen in a pretty long time to study, and I had a gr8 time catching up with them and updating them on stuff hehe. Some pretty good things happened yesterday too and I felt really blessed and lucky and loved, and I was really happy :)

"When your love is reciprocated, that's the best feeling in the world." //

I can't wait for the right time, for you and I, and for us.

Can you feel the love tonight

3 bad days in a row but someone hasn't stopped listening to me rant no matter what happened, and he hasn't stopped being there for me and I am so grateful.❤❤❤ //


Thank you for always being there, and for always being the best.

Thank you for everything.

Papertowns

"Maybe the strings inside of him broke." // Papertowns

Yesterday, I finally went to catch the movie papertowns. I am yet to read the book, and after watching the movie, I really wanna borrow or get the book or sth just so that I can read it, because I'm pretty sure the book will be a hella lot better than the movie, cos the movie was pretty good though it was boring at some points. (It was generally alot better than the TFIOS movie LOL)

I met up with Joy to have a quick catch up with her over breakfast and we talked about alot of stuff, and I now constantly find myself being able to be alot more honest with her and people about alot of things, and I kinda like that, cos I just feel that it is so important that people are honest to themselves, cos that's like one of the least things anyone could ever do for themselves. After breakfast, we just sat in burger king and we talked for quite awhile more before we both left for our respective plans, mine being to meet Josh.

I was pretty early when I left Joy so I reached somerset 313 earlier than expected. Meanwhile, Josh reached alot later than expected cos he got held up by his food at lunch with his family, which took way longer than he expected to arrive at his table LOL so I waited for him at 313 for an hour plus before he finally appeared, panting and sweating cos he ran to the mrt, and from the mrt when he reached HAHAHA. He promised he would buy me sth or treat me to sth to make up for being late hehe. We went to cineleisure the moment he arrived and we went to get the tickets for papertowns, and we got assigned the couple seat LMAO but we took it anyway, before we went to Cheers downstairs to get some snacks for the movie. Afterwards, we just lepaked outside the theatre for an hour or so before the movie started, and we just sat there and talked, and we took pictures, and we just had fun talking to each other hehehe :) During the movie, while we were focusing on the movie, from time to time, we would look at each other and laugh at the comments made by the girls sitting a row behind us cos they were gushing over how cute Quentin and Margo's relationship was, and how cute the other characters in their respective relationships were, and they were literally spazzing and squealing when Ansel Elgort made a guest appearance in the movie starring as this random cashier in the convenience shop at some petrol station LOL. After the movie, being the cutie pie he was, he took the long way to go to nex with me by taking the red line before transferring at bishan, though he could have taken the direct purple line all the way to nex HAHA.

I had a really gr8 day yesterday, and it is always a good time with Josh aka best piggy cos he is such a lovely human being and I adore him alot, and I just wanted to say that I am really grateful he came into my life. Last night, he suddenly told me "I just realised, that we've only known each other for 5 months, near 6. Feels like we've known each other forever." And I asked him "yeah it feels like a really long time huh hahaha but isn't that good?" and he replied "yup it's good". And it really is good cos he makes me feel really comfortable when I'm with him, and I feel safe, and I know that he is true and genuine, and I trust him alot. Like ALOT, cos I know that he means what he says, and that he wouldn't lie to me. And I love that he can make me feel that way cos out of the people I've met in my 17 years alive, there's only ever been that few people who have been able to make me feel this way, say like 2 or 3, maybe 4. And I am so grateful for his presence in my life. //

Josh, if you ever read this, thank you. Thank you for lighting up my life in so many ways, and thank you for being such a lovable human being. Thank you for being you, and thank you for making me so happy. Thank you for always being there for me, always thinking of ways to make me happy when I'm upset over the silliest things, when I'm tired, when I'm just sad for no reason at all or when I'm sad over stuff, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed up, and when I'm just simply a mess that hardly anyone can be bothered dealing with. When it feels like no one out there gives a freaking damn, you do. And I love that. Thank you for being such a wonderful and kind person, and for being my best piggy. We promised we would always be there for each other, and this is a promise I hope we'll never forget. Lav youuuu❤❤❤ X.

You're the colour of my blood

Today went pretty well hehe.

I met up at lunch time to have lunch with my fave and best piggy cos he just ended his physics tuition and I was gonna go study alone at bishan library. I was walking from the basement gantry area with him to go and find a place to eat when I saw a group of people sitting inside this ramen shop wearing very familiar looking shirts, then I saw this familiar face in the group whom I don't know personally, before I scanned the group for the one I would know, and when I saw her I kinda panicked cos I was a little shocked to see her there, and I was like thinking "should I just go with josh cos she might start asking questions... or should I say hi" but I obviously said hi cos I'VE MISSED HER SO MUCH and it was really great seeing her again (hi karyn if u ever read this HAHAHAHA)

Me and Josh went to eat macs afterwards and he treated me to twister fries hehe and we were kinda playing with our food by throwing it at each other LOLOL then he went for his next tuition, so I went to bishan library to study by myself. I talked to felicia on the phone for 1hour and 12mins tho HAHAHA but it was really good talking to her and I just wanna say that this girl is having a really hard time now and I hope she feels better soon cos she deserves all the good things in this world and I hope she is constantly reminded of all the love she has in the world❤❤❤ Okay so after ending my call with felicia, I started to do my work, and at around 3.40pm, josh came to find me and we headed down to orchard together cos I dragged him to go to joy and her group's yfc streetsales today HAHAHA. He was complaining about how tired he was and how much he wanted to go home but he still stuck with me throughout and though he is awkward and shy around people he has never met, he still went with me :') BEST PIGGY I SWEAR HEHE

Also, joy and josh met each other and it was really funny cos josh told me to ask her to follow him on ig so I was like trying to make them less awkward with each other by saying "he asked u to follow him on ig!! hahahaha" It was really funny cos me and joy were laughing alot while josh was being a shypie esp when I tried to pull him over to meet joy and he took out his phone and pretended that he recieved a call when HIS PHONE PAGE WAS STILL ON WAPP LOLOL I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THAT HAHAHAHA

But yay I'm really happy that 2 out of the few of my fave people met up with each other hehehe :)

ALSO, yesterday, my cousin became a daddy and I am soooo proud of him. I couldn't stop gushing over how cute my niece is and omg I swear she is such a precious and cute little thing I adore her already hehehe

See you again

"Funny how losing someone ruins your ability to love anyone else just as deeply."

Awhile back, during lit class, we were discussing about the topic loss and regret, and I think my teacher brought up a very important and interesting question (which was pretty damn thought provoking to me) - "If this loss is a conscious loss, can we still regret? Do we still deserve to regret?"

This question that he brought up in class while going through The Remains of The Day, and the love between the 2 main characters in the book (Stevens and Miss Kenton), really struck a chord in me. And I asked myself "Do we?", and I guess if the loss was conscious, if we saw it coming yet didn't do anything to stop it, to try to save that loss from happening, then I guess we don't really deserve to regret the loss after all, cos we kinda made the choice to let the loss happen.

Lit is an interesting subject. When we were going through this particular chapter in ROTD, many important life pointers came up.

"One should realize one has as good as most, perhaps better, and be grateful."
We should all learn to appreciate the things that we have in life, and cherish the people we have around us. We never know when might be the last time we see them. Life is full of surprises. It is unpredictable, and things always happen at the most unexpected times.

"When you relate and articulate yourself and somebody else with life, that's love."
I, out of so many other things that I wanted, wanted most for you to stay in my life, but I let you go. And I guess you deserve a love way greater than the only love I was capable enough of giving you, showing you. This week was rough, and during my lowest points in the week, my mind couldn't help but wander to you, and I haven't missed you this much in a while. I'm being presented with the chance to see you tomorrow after having not seen you in 5 months and 11 days, but I don't know if I'm even going to be able to make it, and honestly, I'm not even sure if I wanna go I guess. I hate this. I miss you. It scares me that I can't really remember your voice, and I just need to hear you say my name again. I need to feel you around again. But, I'm supposed to be okay without you. //

Emotions are complex.

I'm scared that if I were to go tomorrow, and if I see you again after so long, I might just fall for you all over again, like the very first time I did, even though I don't love you that way anymore. // 

"Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it."

Those words they sound so sweet, coming from the lips of an angel

Update: I am officially in love with the song Lips Of An Angel by Hinder and I don't care that it's an old song cos it is SO NICE and I love the lyrics and everything about it, I hope I NEVER get sick of this song HAHAHA. Felicia sent me a piano version of the song and omg I love it so much.

The past week wasn't the best week. It was tiring and hectic and everything that makes school, school. There were few highs and a little more lows, and I don't really remember what happened from mon to wed cos I feel like the week's highlights only started on thursday. Thursday was a really eventful day filled with many highs and lows. The lows made me feel kinda disappointed and angry, but the high that day had me smiling for quite a long time, and it made me feel alot better, and I was actually pretty happy for awhile, though I was kinda ndkndkndgiweg (that's the only way I can describe how I was feeling) in that moment LOL. Also, I was ranting to quite a few people about the lows that happened to me that day, and I love my friends, cos they're so genuine and kind and lovely, and I love that they just listen to me go on and on ranting, and they're always there for me, comforting me, and trying to make me feel better - main shoutouts to Damain, Cher, Felicia and Josh hehe :)

Friday was a pretty good day cos me, Josh, Chartay and Kennee met up to watch Antman at bishan GV before we met up with JR (who couldn't wake up in time for the movie LOL) to go to the various hawker centres to interview the hawker stall owners. Antman was an okay movie, like I wouldn't say it's very nice like I did for Fast And Furious 7, but I wouldn't say it's bad either. Antman kinda gave me the Kingsman vibe idky HAHAHA. After the movie, we coincidentally met Josh's family at bishan and his bro is such a cutie I swear omg. After meeting up with jr, we headed to Old Airport Road's hawker centre to interview the hawkers there, and we kinda only started interviewing during our last hour together, and we really should have started earlier cos it was really interesting listening to the hawkers talk, and by the time we decided to get our shit together to interview (instead of lepaking there and buying lots of different food to eat like rojak ((kennee finally tried rojak after 17 years of his life omg)) , char kway teow, mochi and sugarcane drink), it was nearing dinner time, so we could only interview a few stalls. Then we headed home from mountbatten mrt, and we were hobo-ing at the stairs there and chartay was helping the guys take step photos LOLOL (I swear we were getting judged by the people in the train when the train entered the station LOL)

Planned an impromptu study date with Felicia on friday night, so we met up on saturday, and we had ramen for lunch. I swear my love for ramen will NEVER die cos it is sooooo good. We went to nex library to study afterwards and I saw josh's cutie bro with his cousin and sister, and then I met kath through the window cos I was sitting on the floor next to it, and we said hi through the window HAHAHA, and then I saw the guys' PE teacher standing beside the book return machine and he looked like a kopi uncle LOLOL it was quite funny hahahaha. Me and Felicia attempted to study but we were updating each other on our lives though we just saw each other 2 weeks ago, and we kinda didn't do much LOL (no surprise there actually sighhhh hahahaha we can't study together I swear LOLOL), and we just casually gave up afterwards and we started going to shop HAHAHAHA. I met up with Cher, Leo and Josh afterwards and we did some shopping together ((shhhh I'm not telling what it's for ;) )), and I went back to Cotton On to get the tote bag I put down when I was with Felicia cos I wanted to "save money" LOL FML HAHAHA. I left earlier at around 5.45 and Josh went with me to send me off and he sent me all the way to bishan and waited with me till my train came, before heading back to nex to find Cher and Leo. He is such a cutie, nice and sweet piggy I swear hehehe :) ❤❤❤

My super lovable and fave piggy hehehe :')

((Piggy promised to go to lazarus island with me after promos cos I said it's really pretty and that I really wanna go, and he also promised that he would go to Singapore Arts Museum aka SAM with me and I AM REALLY EXCITED HEHEHE))

Syncopate my skin to your heart beating

This week has been pretty tiring. It's only the second week of school after the June hols and it's hard to believe that I am already beginning to feel so tired cos there's still 8 more weeks to go before my next short sept hols, and 4 more months to go before the long or 'long' december hols.

I got back my results for my BTs recently, and I won't say that I did exceptionally well, but at least I did okay (well except for econs which is clearly my weakest subject right now) although I feel like I could have done a lot better esp for maths and chem. It has been 2 weeks into school, and I feel like I haven't really been doing much, and my motivation level has been pretty low, which is a pretty bad thing cos I know that the next 2 terms are gonna get even more tiring than the first half of the year, and I really need to buck up if I wanna do well for my promos which is just 2 months away.

I can feel the stress rolling in.

Also, I broke down in class the day I recieved my econs results, after my teacher left cos I really studied for the test but I just CANT SCORE and I honestly have no idea what went wrong, and my teacher said some stuff to me in front of the class and I was just really affected by what she said. I was telling myself in my head over and over again to not cry, to not cry, to not cry, but my traitorous tears just escaped from my eyes and started rolling down my face, and the more I was angry with myself for losing control of my tears, the more I started crying. I was really trying to hide my face and I was lying with my head down on the table, but my friends sensed that I was crying and the girls came over to hug me, and to comfort me. And I swear my class girls GIRL POWER is so strong cos we're always there for each other. :') I realised after, that the guys were all quite shocked and unsure of what to do when I was crying so they kept a distance and gave me my space, and Cher told me the next day that they were actually really worried at that time, but they just didn't know how to show it. I am so grateful for my class, and I really felt the warmth that day esp at night when quite a few people texted me to ask if I was okay, and to encourage me, and support me. I'm especially grateful to (in no particular order) Josh, Jr, Damain, Gq, Chartay, Seem, Jojo and Lu cos they were really there for me when I was really upset, and they were being really encouraging.

--
I don't know if this is a bad thing, but sometimes when I feel like I'm not okay, I still kinda wish you were here with me. 

Somedays, I miss you more than the others, and maybe one day, our paths will cross again.

You haven't left my mind, and if I had to choose someone right now, I'd choose you over and over again.