You call the shots babe

Today in PW, my teacher asked if I was okay cos she said that I looked really dazed and I told her that I'm just really tired. I have been napping alot recently, and the morning routines of getting up from bed to brushing my teeth and prepping myself for school to having to go school for PW intensives is getting a little dull and I think my body is currently recovering from the lack of sleep I suffered from during pre-promos, thus explaining my lethargy recently.

Also, many many things have happened recently and I realised that every single person have different sides to them so we can't trust anyone as much as we believe we can, and I am reminded of how I once had such bad trust issues, and the things that have been happening recently just reminded me of how it might not be such a bad thing after all having some kinda trust issues, and having your guard for people and things, higher up.

I've also been missing dhs for some reason, especially the people there, cos it was really nice and safe with you guys there even though it was kinda boring cos everything was all about studies most of the times. Am listening to one of the few chinese songs you actually listen to and like now, and it's been a long time... Clarice suggested for a class chalet/outing and I really want it to happen cos I miss everyone so much and I just wanna see you guys and talk to all of you, and just hang out with you guys again real soon, and enjoy each other's company. As much as I dislike admitting this, dhs will always have a special place to me even though my time there has been a ride of ups and downs, cos you guys used to make me so happy, and when I had you guys around me, it was the time of my life.

"She knew she didn't love him anymore, at least not in that way, and she knew that although he probably missed her and the memories they shared, he was someplace else now, happier than she could've ever made him; and she, someplace else too. She was no longer a part of his life, somewhat, but she didn't understand why he wouldn't just cease to exist as a whole."

So you'll always have a special place in my heart, and nothing could ever change that or make me forget all that we had, and honestly even now, I still miss you pretty badly on some days. But everyday with him is making things better, and he makes me really happy and he makes me feel so loved in case you were wondering... And sometimes I feel bad cos somedays I feel that I might not ever have the capacity in my heart again, to love him enough, even though he constantly reassures me that I do. Looking at him sometimes, I feel so lucky and blessed, and I learnt my lesson the hard way to cherish the people around me who loves and appreciates me, but talk is cheap and I've come to realise how hard that is to do, but I'm trying. There has been many ups and downs throughout this journey, and I haven't tried this hard to move on from something/someone before, but with his help, though it feels like it's hard sometimes, I'm doing it.

I am so grateful though, despite the many ups and downs I have and feel somedays, I am especially grateful to him for he tolerates me and the mess I can be sometimes, my random panic/anxiety attacks nowadays due to stress, my moodswings, my random breakdowns, my random outbursts. He accepts me for who I am, and never expects me to change for him. He loves me for me, and in all honesty, we could ask for so many things in this world, but this (having someone to love you for who you are and to not ask for anything much in return) is something we could ask for and that might never be ours. I am a lucky girl who is so very blessed, and happy 2 months babe thank you for always being so kind and patient and understanding towards the things I feel and go through *warm hugs* hehehe and as much as I feel that my love for you might be pretty inadequate somedays, thank you for constantly reassuring me that I am adequate, and that my love for you is adequate, and thank you for loving me without asking for much in return. I love you X.

A million shards of glass

WHEEEEEEEE END OF PROMOS GUYSSSS OMG I am so relieved cos there was this point in time pre promos that I got so stressed up I started struggling to breathe sometimes, and it felt kinda like I was about to have a panic attack but thank goodness I was able to control it alittle, and now ITS OVERRR HEHE.

The past few weeks have been really hectic and I can now finally take a breather though I doubt I'll be able to take much of a breather cos we have PW WR and OP to finish up now and yesterday was such a turn off though we just ended our promos, cos we were immediately summoned for pw by our teacher wtf sigh.

Anyway, all these aside, I just can't wait for all the things that I have been planning on doing since pre promos, and I am really excited hehehe :) I can finally have the time to catch up with old friends, esp my dhs friends, and I CANT WAIT FOR THAT COS I MISS THEM SO MUCH.

Many things have happened over the past few weeks and there were many stressful negative vibes that have been really tiring and draining, but I guess at the end of the day, what matters the most is that we don't let these negative vibes get to us cos we're stronger than we think we really are! Broke down a couple of times over the past week, but I remember how someone gave me strength and taught me to be brave and strong, and to be better, and all of the things he taught me will always resound in my head, and in me, no matter what happens.

Also, many positive things have happened to me amidst the negativity which has made me feel really grateful and blessed!! Oh and there's bowling on monday and I really can't wait omg. I also heard that there'll be a band performance by the Scape Invasion in school on monday morning and if it's really gonna happen, I really hope The Sam Willows and Gentle Bones come cos I really wanna see them live omg!!

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable

Today sucked ass. I woke up with a shock at 10.21am and literally jumped out of my bed cos I was supposed to be awake at 9 plus for PW meeting, but apparently, they were just signing out of school at that time cos most of my group members had physics supp class this morning, and they went to play bball after that LOLOL. Then after brushing my teeth and bathing and stuff, my cramps hit me like a truck and I've been in pain since 11am plus this morning. I've eaten 5 panadols and the pain still isn't subsiding and times like this, I really really hate being a girl ugh. (Boys should never complain they are in pain unless they got kicked in the balls or something, but even that subsides in awhile cos they haven't felt real pain, unless they've gone through labour which is apparently 10x more painful than cramps, or cramps like mine wtf. I hate cramps. I wanted to vomit so many times today cos of how painful they were, and it sucks when you've eaten so much panadol, and you've used your heat pack till your skin has kinda burnt, but the pain still doesn't want to go away. Boys should never complain that life sucks cos at least they don't have to deal with a blood bath once every freaking month, for goodness sake.) My cramps actually went away twice during the day, but it came back afterwards too, so it really kinda sucks. I went out at like 5 plus to find my PW group at the library near my house cos my cramps subsided at that time (it has come back though... sighhh) and my fave piggy came out of the library to look for me before I met up with our group, to give me a huge ass hug to comfort me, because I've been complaining to him about my pain for the whole freaking day, and he has been listening to me really patiently even though he can't do anything to help, and he kept checking up on me throughout the day to make sure I'm okay, and I really really needed the hug at that time hehe. He also treated me to nice seaweed he got from the value dollar shop in the mall and IT WAS SO NICE HEHE. (He is sooooo nice and soooooo cute and soooooo lovable x92385792857 and of course, sooooo huggable, I just wanna hug him 24/7 HEHE)

((why is he such a cutie omg hehehe❤❤❤))

Also, it is already thursday, and my sept hols are coming to an end omg. This is kinda horrible cos I haven't really been very productive this hols, especially today, cos I'm really too unwell to do anything and I feel so bad about it, but okay, I shall try to make up for it either tonight, or over the remaining 3 days of my sept hols hahaha (!!!). There are still many things on my timetable left uncompleted and I have not started on my Application of Differentiation tutorial at all, andddd I think there's E.lit homework that I haven't done either, as well as one econs essay corrections. Sigh. My stress level is increasing and maybe that's why my cramps got so bad today, and I'm having irregular pimple outbreaks boooo ): ): 

On a side note, the last time I updated my blog, I forgot to mention that I visited dhs exactly a week ago on teacher's day celebration with Felicia, and I met up with a few of my friends whom I haven't seen in about 6 to 7 months!!! I was really happy though I was kinda sad at the same time cos I actually went back for the food but the canteen was closed and the drink stall wasn't selling cup drinks that day ): But I was so happy too cos I finally met up with old friends and even though it was a really short meet up, it was really really gr8 hehehe :) They bombarded me with questions I expected them to bombard me with (those who follow me on my pa will understand LOLOL) and yup I really CAN'T WAIT to have a proper meet up with them after our promos and PW OP ends, cos I really wanna catch up with them on everything I've missed out on from their lives over the past few months hehe :) I also saw a few other old friends in school from 4A and 2I, and I really hope there'll be a 2I outing soon cos I've missed them a lot since we last saw each other on V'day this year HAHA.

Oh and I found it quite amusing how some people I knew didn't recognize me when they saw me like LOL IDEKY COS I DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE MUCH EXCEPT FOR THE CONTACTS LOLOL. But yup, I can't wait to go back to dhs again soon cos I miss the canteen soooo much omg. I can't believe I used to complain about the lack of food in the canteen cos after going to YJC, I realized how good dhs' food is and the canteen is the one thing apart from the people, that I've missed from the school LOL. Like, shit I miss their dan fan, and filled to the brim 80cents milo, and 50cents soya bean milk and barley drink that's filled to the brim too, and their thai food, and their tauhuay, and I miss their bao and lor mai kai and omg the list could go on and on. YJ's food might be nice and all BUT IT'S EXPENSIVE AND THEY ARE SO STINGY, ESP THE DRINK STALL OMG THEY GIVE LIKE 3/4 THE CUP FOR DRINKS AND THEY SELL IT AT RATHER EXPENSIVE PRICES BOOOO AND THE CAIFAN STALL IS A RIP OFF WTF JDNFSDJF but okay I shall stop complaining about the food cos there are nice food too like nasi lemak, mee rebus, mee siam, bakhut mee sua, kway chap, curry chicken noodle, fish soup noodle, fried fish soup noodle ahhh okay shall stop listing out the nice food in YJ too cos I'm getting hungry and I don't even know where all this blabbering is taking me LOL. This must be the doing of the 5 panadols I've taken today, but yas okay shall end off now andddd okay BACK TO STUDYING. 

"Focus. Hard work pays."

You make my heart feel like it's summer

About 3 to 4 more weeks to promos and I've been rather or very busy lately so I haven't had the time to blog and these past few weeks have been tiring and trying though it's also been pretty good to me hehe.

3 weeks ago I underwent insomnia and the feeling was so horrible cos I was exhausted as heck but I just couldn't sleep no matter what and I went through that for 3 freaking days, I wanted to cry so badly but I didn't even have the energy to. Thank God I finally started sleeping better on the 4th day and my sleep cycle started returning to normal slowly afterwards.

Am starting to get a little stressed out with work and stuff cos the workload is really starting to come in, and sometimes I feel like I won't be able to catch up on my work, cos truth be told, I haven't been working as hard this term as compared to the previous 2 terms but I'm gonna spend my sept hols wisely, and catch up on all my work within this 1 week hols, cos we can do alot in a week. I've already planned out my sept hols timetable and now it's fully packed which means I won't have time for any non-work related activities until post promos, and I hope I have the focus and drive and determination to push myself to try to keep up to and complete at least 70% of the things on the timetable. I'll make this sept hols a productive one cos I really need to do well for promos.

I remember starting off this year with a note of "work hard and don't disappoint yourself or anyone around you again" to myself this year, and I really do not want to fail myself cos I think I've done enough of that over the past 4 years. The past 4 years has taught me alot in so many different aspects, and I hope I grow from all that, and become better.

// Side note from work and school and all, someone has entered my life and I hope he stays for good, cos he is so lovable and so kind and understanding; he's always ALWAYS there for me despite my rants, my worries, and me and my overthinking habits. He always listens, and he's always around - be it physically or virtually to comfort me each time I confide in him.

He is my happy pill. He injects my world with happiness and positivity, and I am so grateful for his existence.

But most importantly, I am so grateful and thankful for I am a very very lucky girl to be cared for and loved by someone like him. I am the luckiest to have him; and I love him very very very much (!!!) .

"They were right when they said love is boundless; 

Except, they left out the part, 

where my heart would be bound to yours infinitely, 

and that your taste would be left in my mouth so tenderly."

Love me like you do

"He took my arm, I don't know how it happened. We took the floor"

The past 3 days have been pretty great hehe :)

On thursday, we had national day celebration in school to celebrate our nation's SG50 and honestly, it was the worst and most boring celebration I have ever attended, until the SLs came and took the stage, and started popping confettis all over the hall LOLOL. The celebration became slightly better afterwards and we were throwing confettis at each other and some of us were stuffing confettis into Leo's shirt so that when he ran around and stuff, he would be raining confettis HAHAHAHA. After the celebration ended, me, Josh, Cher, Kennee, JR and Justin went to help the class get tickets for Fantastic 4 cos we were the only ones who didn't have college day, and we kinda stayed in school for an hour plus before we left cos me and Cher were having some girl talk and the guys wanted to give us our space which was really nice of them. 

Cher (if you read this) I know you're going through a pretty rough time now but the grass is greener on the other side so look on the bright side of things alright? Don't let what anyone else has to say or what they think affect you cos you know you deserve better, and you are a brave and strong girl who will make it pass all the obstacles in your life. You are such a wonderful friend and such a wonderful person, and please don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And when you feel like you're alone and stuff, please know that you still have me, and make the best out of everything okay! :) Lav youuuu❤❤

After the girl talk and stuff, we left school and bought the tickets before lepaking at northpoint till the rest of them came, and we went to watch Fantastic 4. Fantastic 4 sucked ass wtf. I have never watched a movie in the cinema before and I thought it was bad, until this movie cos it was so horrible, I wasted my money booo ): But the company made it alot better hahahaha :)

After the movie, some of the class left cos they had other plans, while the rest stayed and we went to eat dominoes for dinner cos there was this 50% discount offer going on which made the pizzas really cheap and worth the money, and we had so much fun while eating our dinner, it really made up for the whole day hahaha :)

On friday, me and Josh made plans to go to SAM and the exhibitions there were quite nice though there were some really scary ones like the live human exhibition LOLOL We were both scared of that so we hurried our way in and out of that area HAHAHAHA. Honestly, I can't really remember the things we saw at SAM cos the only thing I remembered was being there with him which was really nice hehe. But I remember we were looking at this exhibition and we heard this aunty saying she saw a girl in the art piece and me and Josh walked back after the aunty left to look for the girl, and all we saw were plants and leaves LOLOL. Josh said that we're the normal people and I guess we just aren't artsy-fartsy HAHAHA. After looking at the exhibitions, we went to the museum shop and we saw many cool things there that were being sold at ridiculous prices except for a few which were still kinda reasonable. Then we went to the photobooth and I swear that was the worst photobooth I've ever done but the funniest HAHAHA. The photos were so bad, but I still laugh at the photos now everytime I look at it, so I guess that's what matters the most :) We were gonna retake the photos at the booth but the note machine wasn't working and we ran out of coins so we just left. But this just gives us a reason to go back there together again hehe. After we left SAM, we went to the suntec convention centre shopping mall and we just walked around, and we found ourselves in Toys 'R US and we acted like 2 over grown kids there it was quite funny, but really fun too hehehe. After we left the convention centre, we went to marina bay sands and we somehow found ourselves out of the MBS building and we were by the Singapore River and the view there is so beautiful, and as we walked along the river to a quieter spot, everything just seemed so peaceful and quiet, and it's like that was all that mattered in that moment. I loved it there. I told Josh that if I ever get chased out of my house LOLOL I would bring like a few cardboards there and just stay there cos it's so calm there. We left after standing there and just talking to each other, and enjoying each other's presence for awhile, and I went home. It was a really great day though some shit happened at home that night. It is always a great time with him and I love his company❤❤❤

Yesterday, I met up with Felicia and Chan (Christine) who I haven't seen in a pretty long time to study, and I had a gr8 time catching up with them and updating them on stuff hehe. Some pretty good things happened yesterday too and I felt really blessed and lucky and loved, and I was really happy :)

"When your love is reciprocated, that's the best feeling in the world." //

I can't wait for the right time, for you and I, and for us.

Can you feel the love tonight

3 bad days in a row but someone hasn't stopped listening to me rant no matter what happened, and he hasn't stopped being there for me and I am so grateful.❤❤❤ //


Thank you for always being there, and for always being the best.

Thank you for everything.

Papertowns

"Maybe the strings inside of him broke." // Papertowns

Yesterday, I finally went to catch the movie papertowns. I am yet to read the book, and after watching the movie, I really wanna borrow or get the book or sth just so that I can read it, because I'm pretty sure the book will be a hella lot better than the movie, cos the movie was pretty good though it was boring at some points. (It was generally alot better than the TFIOS movie LOL)

I met up with Joy to have a quick catch up with her over breakfast and we talked about alot of stuff, and I now constantly find myself being able to be alot more honest with her and people about alot of things, and I kinda like that, cos I just feel that it is so important that people are honest to themselves, cos that's like one of the least things anyone could ever do for themselves. After breakfast, we just sat in burger king and we talked for quite awhile more before we both left for our respective plans, mine being to meet Josh.

I was pretty early when I left Joy so I reached somerset 313 earlier than expected. Meanwhile, Josh reached alot later than expected cos he got held up by his food at lunch with his family, which took way longer than he expected to arrive at his table LOL so I waited for him at 313 for an hour plus before he finally appeared, panting and sweating cos he ran to the mrt, and from the mrt when he reached HAHAHA. He promised he would buy me sth or treat me to sth to make up for being late hehe. We went to cineleisure the moment he arrived and we went to get the tickets for papertowns, and we got assigned the couple seat LMAO but we took it anyway, before we went to Cheers downstairs to get some snacks for the movie. Afterwards, we just lepaked outside the theatre for an hour or so before the movie started, and we just sat there and talked, and we took pictures, and we just had fun talking to each other hehehe :) During the movie, while we were focusing on the movie, from time to time, we would look at each other and laugh at the comments made by the girls sitting a row behind us cos they were gushing over how cute Quentin and Margo's relationship was, and how cute the other characters in their respective relationships were, and they were literally spazzing and squealing when Ansel Elgort made a guest appearance in the movie starring as this random cashier in the convenience shop at some petrol station LOL. After the movie, being the cutie pie he was, he took the long way to go to nex with me by taking the red line before transferring at bishan, though he could have taken the direct purple line all the way to nex HAHA.

I had a really gr8 day yesterday, and it is always a good time with Josh aka best piggy cos he is such a lovely human being and I adore him alot, and I just wanted to say that I am really grateful he came into my life. Last night, he suddenly told me "I just realised, that we've only known each other for 5 months, near 6. Feels like we've known each other forever." And I asked him "yeah it feels like a really long time huh hahaha but isn't that good?" and he replied "yup it's good". And it really is good cos he makes me feel really comfortable when I'm with him, and I feel safe, and I know that he is true and genuine, and I trust him alot. Like ALOT, cos I know that he means what he says, and that he wouldn't lie to me. And I love that he can make me feel that way cos out of the people I've met in my 17 years alive, there's only ever been that few people who have been able to make me feel this way, say like 2 or 3, maybe 4. And I am so grateful for his presence in my life. //

Josh, if you ever read this, thank you. Thank you for lighting up my life in so many ways, and thank you for being such a lovable human being. Thank you for being you, and thank you for making me so happy. Thank you for always being there for me, always thinking of ways to make me happy when I'm upset over the silliest things, when I'm tired, when I'm just sad for no reason at all or when I'm sad over stuff, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed up, and when I'm just simply a mess that hardly anyone can be bothered dealing with. When it feels like no one out there gives a freaking damn, you do. And I love that. Thank you for being such a wonderful and kind person, and for being my best piggy. We promised we would always be there for each other, and this is a promise I hope we'll never forget. Lav youuuu❤❤❤ X.