You call the shots babe

Today in PW, my teacher asked if I was okay cos she said that I looked really dazed and I told her that I'm just really tired. I have been napping alot recently, and the morning routines of getting up from bed to brushing my teeth and prepping myself for school to having to go school for PW intensives is getting a little dull and I think my body is currently recovering from the lack of sleep I suffered from during pre-promos, thus explaining my lethargy recently.

Also, many many things have happened recently and I realised that every single person have different sides to them so we can't trust anyone as much as we believe we can, and I am reminded of how I once had such bad trust issues, and the things that have been happening recently just reminded me of how it might not be such a bad thing after all having some kinda trust issues, and having your guard for people and things, higher up.

I've also been missing dhs for some reason, especially the people there, cos it was really nice and safe with you guys there even though it was kinda boring cos everything was all about studies most of the times. Am listening to one of the few chinese songs you actually listen to and like now, and it's been a long time... Clarice suggested for a class chalet/outing and I really want it to happen cos I miss everyone so much and I just wanna see you guys and talk to all of you, and just hang out with you guys again real soon, and enjoy each other's company. As much as I dislike admitting this, dhs will always have a special place to me even though my time there has been a ride of ups and downs, cos you guys used to make me so happy, and when I had you guys around me, it was the time of my life.

"She knew she didn't love him anymore, at least not in that way, and she knew that although he probably missed her and the memories they shared, he was someplace else now, happier than she could've ever made him; and she, someplace else too. She was no longer a part of his life, somewhat, but she didn't understand why he wouldn't just cease to exist as a whole."

So you'll always have a special place in my heart, and nothing could ever change that or make me forget all that we had, and honestly even now, I still miss you pretty badly on some days. But everyday with him is making things better, and he makes me really happy and he makes me feel so loved in case you were wondering... And sometimes I feel bad cos somedays I feel that I might not ever have the capacity in my heart again, to love him enough, even though he constantly reassures me that I do. Looking at him sometimes, I feel so lucky and blessed, and I learnt my lesson the hard way to cherish the people around me who loves and appreciates me, but talk is cheap and I've come to realise how hard that is to do, but I'm trying. There has been many ups and downs throughout this journey, and I haven't tried this hard to move on from something/someone before, but with his help, though it feels like it's hard sometimes, I'm doing it.

I am so grateful though, despite the many ups and downs I have and feel somedays, I am especially grateful to him for he tolerates me and the mess I can be sometimes, my random panic/anxiety attacks nowadays due to stress, my moodswings, my random breakdowns, my random outbursts. He accepts me for who I am, and never expects me to change for him. He loves me for me, and in all honesty, we could ask for so many things in this world, but this (having someone to love you for who you are and to not ask for anything much in return) is something we could ask for and that might never be ours. I am a lucky girl who is so very blessed, and happy 2 months babe thank you for always being so kind and patient and understanding towards the things I feel and go through *warm hugs* hehehe and as much as I feel that my love for you might be pretty inadequate somedays, thank you for constantly reassuring me that I am adequate, and that my love for you is adequate, and thank you for loving me without asking for much in return. I love you X.