Right here, right now

"When the world stops spinning, and we pass the mountains of catastrophe //

will you still be by my side?"

I figured that in our life, many temporary people enter and then subsequently leave. And when you're lucky, there are the rare few who step into your life to stay for good. In our lives, we meet many fake and pretentious people who bitch about you behind your backs and act like they are angels in front of you (ew why do such disgusting people exist) but there are also times, when you find the few gems of precious genuine friends. Those are the people who bring about a truck load of good(s) into your life, and they're the ones you fight for to keep. And I must say that even though I had a sudden influx of fake pretentious people entering my life in recent months/years (maybe cos that's what growing up does), I've also been v lucky in finding some rly genuine and lovely friends who are rly worth fighting for and keeping in my life :) But anyway, this isn't the main point of the post, it's just a random thought that came to my mind as I began blogging HAHAHA.

I just came back from Turkey 5 days ago on friday evening, and I am still somewhat jet lagged, but Turkey has been wonderful. It's a rly special country cos it's both Asia and Europe at the same time, and even though the flight there was 11hours plus and 10hours plus back (cos there wasn't a delay on the way back), it was super worth it. I was not expecting the country to be as beautiful as it was, and I loved it there, and I miss it so much already!!! I'll definitely go back there again one day hehehe :)

We went to many places like Istanbul > Troy > Canakkale > Pamukkale > Cappadocia > Ankara > Bolu > then Istanbul again. One of my fave place out of all that we went to was Pamukkale cos we visited the Cotton Castle there and omg IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. The land there was naturally white due to the hot springs there and they looked like snow when it was rly calcium formed from the hot springs and that somehow spreaded all over the land there, and it was an amazing view. Another fave place of mine was Cappadocia. The highlight of that place apart from the cave houses was obviously the hot air balloon ride!!! The hot air balloon ride there was such an amazing experience. We were all on a hot air balloon that had nothing holding it below so we were basically flying in the air with the guy who was driving us around not being able to control anything, but taking off and landing, and everything else was controlled by the wind direction and it was rly cool. The view was spectacular and everything was beautiful and there was snow EVERYWHERE holy crap. Oh and we also saw a replica of the Trojan horse and we could climb into it HAHAHA. Ephesus was beautiful too and we saw the library of Celcius there and the Goddess Nike statue. We went to the Temple of Athena as well and though there were alot of rocks, they were rly nice cos all the rocks were made of natural marble IT WAS SO NICE. Basically to sum up the whole of Turkey, it was BEAUTIFUL and I rly loved it there HEHE. I also talked to the teens of the tour group and one of the girls is in DHS but in the smart class unlike me LMAO but yeah HAHAHA. During the last 10plus hours of the trip, I (kinda) made friends with a girl on the trip (her name is Shalom) cos we sat next to each other on the flight back to SG due to unforeseen circumstances and we talked quite alot and it was rly nice cos she was rly nice and cool HAHAHA and it wasn't that awkward cos we were able to talk to each other quite alot, and she just finished JC while I'm in JC so we have quite a few common topics to talk about (I guess HAHA) :) BUT yay it was a rly nice experience HEHE.

Troy // Trojan Horse

Temple of Zeus

Ephesus // Library of Celcius

Pamukkale // Cotton Castle

Cappadocia // Hot Air Balloons Ride

Shadow of our Hot Air Balloon when we went above the clouds HAHAHA

After coming back from Turkey, the first person I met was Josh and I have missed him alot after not seeing him for TEN DAYS but yay IM BACK NOW HAHAHAHA it was gr8 spending time with him again even though it was only for a short while hehehe❤❤❤

Then I met up with my 2I friends and I haven't seen most of them since I last saw them on vday this year and I have missed them ALOT ALOT. They had organised a class bbq and I was a little unsure of whether I should attend cos I haven't been in the same school as them for like a year and I could feel the gap between us whether or not it was rly there but I had no regrets attending at all, cos they never fail to make me feel like I belong with them no matter what happened. It was rly refreshing meeting them again cos I haven't seen them in a rly long time, and they were my closest friends in dhs when I was there, and tbh, a part of me was beginning to get rly detached from them, but seeing them again that day brought the attachment to them back and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I can't wait to see them again soon hehehe :)

"与你相遇好幸运，但我已失去为你泪流满面的权利"

I think about how there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. I don’t mean the usual faint impression: he was cute, she was nice, they made me laugh, I wish I’d known her better, I remember the time she threw up in class. And, I don’t just mean that they changed you. A lot of people can change you – the first kid who called you a name, the first teacher who said you were smart, the first person who crowned you best friend. It’s the change you remember, the firsts and what they meant, not really the people.

Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless. If you had a lifetime to talk, there would still be things left unsaid. //

I guess all we have left now are awkward eye contacts, accompanied by the silences; And maybe one day, all of these will get better, and we'll be okay again.

But right now, and as always, I hope you find your happiness X.

I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky, till the sun no longer shines

Today was tiring, and painful ((cos cramps even though it wasn't at its worst)), but above all, it was a really really GR8 day anddd I HAD SUCH A GR8 TIME HEHEHE.

I met up with Josh in the morning and we walked around his condo, and sat at his condo's playground for awhile before going to Ice Edge Cafe near his house to eat lunch hehehe. There's a 1 for 1 offer there every Mon to Fri from 12pm to 3pm and the food is rly cheap so do check it out guys!! It's also v near the MRT so that's a plus point HAHAHA. After eating, we headed to SAM again to visit the photobooth and this time it was slightly better but the photos still looked a little bit bad LOL. We walked around SAM for a bit afterwards to take a look at the new exhibits there before we went to Sports Hub and started to walk around. We got a bit tired of walking around afterwards so we sat at a random place in Sports Hub to decide where to go next. We then decided to go to BK to eat a little ((he ate, I didn't cos cramps always lessen my appetite so I wasn't feeling hungry HAHA)), before we went to the open area facing Kallang River afterwards and we rly liked it there cos it was quiet and there weren't alot of people, and cos it was after the rain, so it wasn't hot and it was windy and calm, and it was just v peaceful. We talked quite a bit there, and just enjoyed each other's company in the comfortable silence sometimes, before we left. Oh and while we were sitting there and just talking, Josh told me a few days back while we were tele-ing each other, that he'd pray for me and my trip when we met up with each other, so I asked him to pray for me there today, and he did, and I listened to him, and prayed with him hehehe :) It was rly nice and I was rly touched by the things he said cos I wasn't expecting him to say some of the things he said but it was rly nice and comforting and heartwarming, even though I was the one who reminded him to pray for me today HAHAHA. He sent me to bishan and I missed a few trains just to spend more time with him since I'll be away for 10 days ((which means I won't get to see him or talk to him much during the 10 days ): )) before I left and took the train, and he left to meet the class guys cos they were gonna have a sleepover at Sath's house HAHAHA. 

I'm flying off to Turkey tomorrow night cos my flight is at around 11plus pm and I'm excited and worried for this trip all at the same time cos of the events that have been happening around the world recently, but Turkey is also vvvvv pretty and beautiful and nice according to the pictures and photos I've seen, and according to my friends who have gone there before, so I'm rly excited. Apparently, it is v cold there now, and my nose has been kinda runny recently so I hope the weather there won't rly affect it or aggravate my nose HAHA. I can't wait for the fun I'll have there, and for all the nice scenery I'll be able to see there, and maybe I'll also get to see snow!!! Let's hope I'll be warm enough there though HAHAHA. ((Will miss his warm hugs while I'm shivering there oh no but I'll definitely bug him for more when I get back HEHEHE HAHAHAHAHAHA))

I'll miss Josh ALOTTTTT, and my friends too, but I'll see them in ten days after I come back from my trip, esp those who I haven't met for a vvv long time and who have alot ALOT to update us on ((CHAN IM TALKING ABOUT U HEHEHEHE)), and I can't wait for everything that's upcoming HEHE.

I'll miss you so much when I'm away in Turkey ((and I know you'll miss me too HAHAHAHA HEHE)) but I'll see you in ten days when I get back to Singapore, and I'll send you lots of pics while I'm in Turkey HEHEHE. Meanwhile, please take care of yourself and have fun during the 3 days you're in KL and don't miss me too much HAHAHAHAHA I love you ((sooooo much)) baby and see you real soon :) X. ❤❤❤

// PS. I'll start to revise my work and studying hard, and focusing on my studies once I return from Turkey cos I rly rly need to start bucking up after I get back to Singapore, before school reopens and we start preparing for J2 and A's (!!!!!!)

I saw my heart; it came to life

The hols have finally begun!!!

Okay so firstly, adele released her latest album and I am OBSESSED with her song "Remedy" I LOVE IT andddd she has the voice of an ANGEL I LOVE HER VOICE.

Secondly, I am vvvv excited and happy and relieved that the hols have finally begun WHEEEE. I have been waiting for the hols for a v long time, and this is a much needed break from school and everyone in school (except josh hehe).

Also, I have started working out cos I have been eating alot and I'm scared of gaining weight (TYPICAL GIRLY ISSUES LOL), and I feel alot healthier hehehe ((am rly gonna keep this up and keep working out cos I feel fitter too HAHAHA))

On Sunday, me, Josh, JR, seem, chew, mel and cher went to the airport to send the OCIP people off to vietnam. Cher left after awhile, and the rest of us stayed till the OCIP people entered the depature hall. We met some of our classmates' parents and some are so cute (leo and his mum are vvv cute together cos he kept hugging her before he entered the depature hall IT WAS V CUTE AND V SWEET). We took alot of photos with each other before they entered and said bye like a thousand times and we kept wishing them a safe flight, and telling them to take care of themselves HAHAHA. CANT WAIT TO SEE 8 OF THEIR FACES AGAIN IN ONE PIECE, SAFE AND SOUND, BACK IN SG HEHE.

Today was a really really gr8 day and I had a vvvvvv good time with Josh today hehehe :) Our original plan was to eat ramen at ramen champion before going to the cinema to watch spectre, but I thought that watching a movie is a v antisocial activity especially since we were gonna go out to celebrate his bday early, so we decided to go eat ramen first, before going to botans (!!!) Ramen champion was rly nice and I'll definitely go back again andddd botans was rly nice too hehe. It was my first time back at botans after having not gone there for a rly long time, and it has changed alot. There weren't many people there probably cos it's a weekday and the lake had a few black swans, and many ducks, and they were rly cute HAHAHA. There were also a few quiet spots at botans which was nice hehehe :) I also passed him his bday present and card there by putting it into his bag, and told him to look at it only when he reached home. We left botans after awhile cos it was rly hot and Josh was sweating like crazy HAHA, and we decided on the spot to go to novena cos he rly wanted to go to BK to eat their ice cream, so we went to novena square. After eating BK there, we decided to head to united square to walk around and we went to Toys 'R US, then popular then we just started to walk around and look at random stuff. Oh oh we also played the "SLAP" game he downloaded in his phone and we were both cheating cos we both wanted to win HAHAHAHA. He let me win him a few times cos I AM THAT BAD AT PLAYING GAMES and I was abit frustrated cos I kept losing LOL. Afterwards, we both got tired of walking around and we decided to go to the food court to sit down, and I wanted to eat dimsum, so we ordered siew mai and ate, before we left to the mrt. It's super nice being able to spend time with him, esp alone time, cos we miss out so much on that everytime we're in school since we don't rly get to be alone alot. Ramen was gr8, botans was gr8, but being able to spend time with him was SUPER GR8, and he is an A star human being who is super super gr8 HEHEHE. I love him so much and I am so lucky to have him in my life, and as my boyfriend HEHE :) I'm not able to spend his actual bday with him cos his parents booked him alr and said that family comes first (which is v true and v impt !!!), so I spent the day before his bday with him which is equally nice hehehe :)

my fave thing in the picture is ....... ramen HEHE ((JK ofc it's the guy in the picture HAHAHA))
2 OF MY FAVE THINGS IN 1 PICTURE YAY 

Thanks for letting me bully you all the time HAHAHAHA ((jk I love you hehe))

Happy 1 hour and 9 mins early (as of now that I'm typing HAHA) birthday baby hehehe I love you so much and thank you so much for everything, for listening to me rant all the time, for being there for me when I'm upset/sad even though you can't fully understand the things that got me upset/sad (sometimes), and thank you for understanding when I'm having a rly bad day, when I'm down, when I'm having moodswings. Thank you for making me feel so warm and loved all the time; for making me so (x982493829) happy hehehe :) Thank you for standing by me, and wanting to give me support, thank you for providing me with that support, and of course, thank you for loving me for me (as I always say) and never asking for much in return X. ❤❤❤

Hold on tight, it's gonna be a wild wild ride baby

The past week has been crazy hectic. We finally finished PW after 8 months worth of coursework, and we got back our results on friday which was really scary but I'll talk about that later HAHA.

On monday, after school, me, Josh, Kennee, Chartay and Kath went to Nex together after school and decided to eat bingsu impromptuly. After bingsu which was like meh kinda overrated, chartay left, and we went to cotton on to shop. Me and kath were making josh and kennee try on the clothes there, and I pretended that I wanted to buy them for my bro but am unsure of his size so that they'd try the clothes on, when in actual fact, we just wanted to see what suited them more, and what size they were, so we would know what to get them for their class bday present HAHAHAHA. It was really funny cos kennee didn't really suspect anything, while josh suspected something was going on, but went along with it anyway. Oh and josh found the gundam he has been looking for at the expo at nex, and he was so happy, he hugged the toy after deciding he was gonna buy it, and went to the cashier looking like a kid on Christmas LOLOL. IT WAS DAMN CUTE HEHEHE. Afterwards, kennee wanted to cut his hair so we went with him to cut and it was so funny cos we kept giving him ideas of how to cut his hair and he was so confused, then when he walked into the shop and sat down, I started videoing and I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING COS IT'S SO FUNNY and when he finished cutting and walked out of the shop, I started to laugh again cos even though he looked so much better, he looked like a peanut HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

I met up with felicia on tuesday and we went to nex, and she asked me to go into pastamania on my own first to look for a seat cos she was later than me, and as I was about to walk in, I saw a big group of dunmanians inside so I decided not to go in on my own first cos people I knew were inside, and it'd be really awkward. After she arrived, we went to order food, and the dhs people saw us and started to look at us and it was so awkward, and as we finished ordering the food, they exited the shop AND IT WAS SO AWKWARD (I cannot emphasise this enough) and I said hi to the people I knew and quickly went to find a seat LOL. We ate and talked about random stuff and we started walking around, and she went with me to various places to help my class buy the nov babies' presents. I wanted to shop that day, and was all ready to splurge at CO, BUT the 40% sales that was ongoing at CO just the day before was no longer avail so I was really sad and didn't manage to buy anything ): BUT AT LEAST I SAVED SOME MONEY HAHAHA. We went to the post office afterwards cos felicia wanted to settle some stuff, then we went to KFC and we ate froyo and cheese fries!! Then we went to popular then gift greetings and I realised that gift greetings sells alot of cute stuff omg HAHA. After felicia bought a cute pikachu toy car for gj, we left the shop and gj came and I said bye to both of them and went homeee. It was a RLY GR8 day with her cos we always talk so much shit and non-shit stuff aka serious stuff HAHAHAHA and we always rant to each other and it's so nice to have someone I can say like everything and anything to esp after all the shit we did together, and got ourselves into this year HAHAHA :)

On wednesday, I woke up feeling a little cold, with a sore throat and a flu, and I felt horrible. I was late for school, and I realised I had a fever in school and I was sooo tired. We celebrated the nov babies' (Leo, Kennee, Josh and Luisa) bday that day and it was quite fun even though I didn't really join in since I was sick, and everyone was bashing everyone LOL. Can't really remember what else happened during the celebration cos all I remember are people running around with cake and cream all over their hands and faces HAHAHAHA. But after the whole celebration, me and my pw group finally decided to get serious and get our shit together, and we went to an empty classroom to rehearse our OP which was just the next day ((what a bad day to fall sick right??? Sigh))

Happy 18 days early bday babe hehehe❤ X.

On thursday, my mum woke me up at 6am to check if I had a fever and I had the shock of my life cos my temperature was 38.7/39.0 that morning. I ate my meds, and slept for another 30mins before waking up to prepare myself for school. I was trying really hard to not let my nerves get to me that day cos OP is my most feared component in PW and I'm really bad at giving speeches especially when we have to memorise the script and I WAS SO WORRIED THAT I'D FORGET MY LINES. Prayed to God so many times that day lest my nerves get to me, and I forgot everything, and thank God I got through it well. I messed up at a small part, but I managed to recover and the teacher smiled at me to reassure me that my tiny fumble was okay and I continued on with my presentation as per normal. My group presented the BEST ever presentation that day. Jr, who always panics before presenting his part, didn't panic that day cos he took a deep breath and went all out. I took a deep breath, prayed, and told myself that this is the first and last time I'll be able to present in front of the assessors, and went all out. Josh and kennee did really well too. Before chartay went up to present, she told me that she was really scared and I told her what I told myself before I presented and told her to just forget about her fears and JUST DO IT cos it's her first and last time being able to present, and she did really well too HEHE. And as I said, I'm really really proud of all of us cos WE DID IT and WE KILLED IT, and WE ARE DONE WITH PWWW YAY. As we're the last group of my class to present, my whole class went down after my group's presentation ended, and started to spam pics with each other and was soooo happy hehehe :) After all the mini celebrations, we went to file our GPF with our teacher mentors, and Mrs Toh looked so much younger and radiant all of a sudden, now that PW has come to an end for us, and she no longer has to push us to get our work done HAHAHA. She was really cute and nice that day and it was kinda sad, but we were all really happy that we managed to get through everything together YAYYY

Really grateful to have gone through PW with each and everyone of you for things would not have been the same without you guys, and I'm so glad that through the really rough days of PW (especially the week before promos where we were busy completing WR and editing that doc over and over again, sleeping at 2/3am in the morning just for PW - the latest being 5/6am gdi, and basically hardcoring PW when we were supposed to be studying for promos which made me really stressed out cos PW was taking away my time for studying and I cried in school once cos I couldn't take it anymore),  you guys were right here by my side supporting me, despite me complaining and showing yall my attitude sometimes cos I was getting really sick and tired of PW, and making it through the journey with you guys so smoothly cos there were little to no fights at all throughout the 8 months that we've been working together HEHE :) And thanks so much guys for understanding and tolerating me, and especially thank you jr for leading and carrying the group so well and sorry for all the times I scolded you and blamed you for all the things you did that you thought was best for the group HAHAHA but thanks for always being ever encouraging and for being rly nice to me even though u bully me a lot more than you're nice to me PFFT HAHAHAHA (you're a rly gr8 leader, but more so a gr8 gr8 friend to me and I shan't say anymore in case you read this and your ego gets boosted TSKK HAHAHA)

Am also vvvv grateful to Mrs Toh who has been guiding us for the past 8 months and even though I complain about her ALOT, I'm really grateful to have her as our teacher cos she is always so tolerant esp with our class since we're always submitting our works late, being late for meetings and rehearsals and stuff, and we never really put PW as our first priority HAHAHAHA

WE DID IT 103 HEHE WOOHOO (!!!)

FRIDAY. My emotions were on a negative high that day cos it's results day and I was so scared of what the outcome of my results might be even though I studied hard for promos, and have been studying pretty consistently throughout the year. We were gonna be recieveing our result slip that day aka knowing whether or not we promoted, and I was soooo scared that I was gonna retain cos of econs. It honestly scared the shit out of me. Mdm Lim kept trying to reassure us and she kept telling us not to worry, cos she wasn't able to reveal our results until 3.30 that day, and those were the only things she could say to us. Mdm Lim our cutie FT treated us to pizza and daily scoop ice cream that day and we talked to her about our results and she refused to tell us anything, and she just told me "don't worry we will ALL be in the audi" and gave me this reassuring look, and I felt a flicker of hope light up in me even though it died down as quickly as it lighted up cos I didn't dare to hope for anything, and was just expecting the worst. (People who stayed in the audi when the result slip was being given out are promoted, people who left to LT3 were conditionally advanced, while people who left to LT4 retained.)

As the time ticked closer and closer to 3.30, my heart started pumping faster and clenching harder, and I felt like it was gonna burst. I didn't even wanna talk to anyone and was just texting felicia all the way, and I felt like I was gonna burst into a panic attack cos I was finding it harder and harder to breathe, and I was gonna cry. In the audi, even before the VP started talking to us, I saw someone crying, and I just freaked out and I just started to cry non stop too and I was so scared. Mdm Lim saw me and was like "huh aiyo the results also not given out yet then u need tissue alr arh!" and I tried to laugh but I couldn't react cos I was soooo scared. Finally, the VP stopped talking and passed the time to the FTs. When he did, all the teachers in the audi started walking around with the result slips in their hands, and suddenly a lot of people stood up and started leaving the audi, it was a whirlwind. I turned to look at Mdm Lim and unlike the other FTs, she was still sitting in her chair and I was really confused. She only started walking to the front of our class after a while, and she looked at all of us, and told us "you all promoted" with a huge ass smile on her face and I was so relieved, I started crying more cos my hardwork paid off. (I started crying more cos of another reason too but that shall be left unsaid here but I'm really glad that everything's okay now (!!!) )

Even though my results aren't exactly desirable, and I didn't feel thrilled or happy, I was really relieved, and it made me feel a even bigger urge to work hard especially since A's are in exactly a year's time (!!!) I'm really grateful to my class and so so proud of all of us cos it's so rare that a whole class actually manages to promote together in YJ. Mdm Lim was so cute afterwards cos she told us "why do you all think I treated u all to dominoes pizza and ice cream?" HAHAHAHAHA GDI WE REALLY THOUGHT IT'S COS IT'S HER LAST MEAL WITH US SINCE SHE'S PREGNANT AND WON'T BE OUR FT ANYMORE NEXT YEAR OMG HAHAHA but speaking of which, I'm really gonna miss Mdm Lim next year cos she's the BEST, and the most understanding CT I have ever met, and I am beyond grateful to her cos pre-promos, she was right there to encourage all of us, and she kept telling my class to help each other out and to support each other. And I'm also really grateful to my class, cos really without them, this year would not have been the same. We've had our fair share of ups and downs, but I'm still thankful for everything and everyone *virtual hugs everyone* HEHE :))) Someone once asked me when they saw my class hoodie awhile back "wow your whole class is sure that all of you will promote?" and I told him "yeah" at that time and I'M REALLY PROUD TO SAY THAT WE ALL DID IT AND I PROVED HIM RIGHT YASSSS. GR8 JOB EVERYONE HEHE and let's work hard together for A's and make the best out of our 2 years together!! 

This hols shall be one of not only fun, but also of revision and consistent work cos A's is only a year away, and it is never too early to start being consistent, and to start working hard (!!!!!!)

And with that, I shall end off my blog post (I can now play without always feeling this sense of uneasiness in my heart HAHAHA) so till thennn hehe :)

Relativism

This time last year, I remember being really stressed out preparing for O's, and I remember how everyone was rushing to finish studying the O's syllabus before the exams. I remember panicking about my future (that is now) and where I would be, and what I would be doing. In all honesty, a year ago, I never ever saw myself in YJC, at where I am now, and all the most unexpected things have happened. A year later, I'm in YJC, with a boyfriend, and things are just entirely different from the way I thought or had wanted it to turn out. And I still do believe, that everything happens for a reason. //

Today, I strongly emphasise that it is IMPORTANT to stick to our own set of principles and values, and the least that we can do for ourselves, is to stick to that set of principles, and not betray ourselves. 

*Note to self - no one shall ever influence your set of principles. No one shall ever waver you. EVER*

Just a post of casual wordy rants from messy thoughts of 12.17am. 

Sometimes, people do things that go against their own principles and values, just cos it pleases the people around them. Sometimes people say things about people that aren't true, and sometimes people twist the facts of actual events that happened. Sometimes, people do things that are senseless, and sometimes people just do things out of pure stupidity and naivety. For whatever reasons they might have done the things they did, I have come to realise, that people of various personalities and characters DO exist in this world, and the world is full of scary people. There are so many people in this world, but so little trust and faith among us. Shit happens, and I guess we just gotta learn to deal with it.

Trust should only be given to those who are worthy of it, and who have earned it. 

Emotions are scary things, alongside people. Anger, jealousy, etc. These are such poisonous emotions. These are emotions that fill you with so much negativity. Having experienced this myself, I have come to conclude that these are emotions that need to be kept in check and in control at all times. Sometimes, we just gotta pull our minds away from these negative emotions, and keep a cool and calm head. Sometimes, walking away from the issue doesn't mean that you're being weak. Maybe sometimes, that's all you need to come back as a stronger person, and to be more sure of your own viewpoints, and your own stand. And sometimes, pulling away from all your problems, and not letting it affect you, is the best way to deal with the situation. Sometimes, it is the only way to prevent yourself from getting anymore involved.

((Always remember to breathe. "Breathe..."))

These past few months or weeks have taught me alot, and with every event, I guess I just gain a little more experience in life, and get to learn more about people. People are not as simple as you think they are, and one day, people's true colours do show. My own colours do show. The good sides, and the worse sides of each and everyone of us, do show. And with all of these things, I guess it really just boils down to the set of values we have for ourselves. There's no need to be sorry for your own beliefs, and for your own principles. There's no need to be sorry for the things you did, and didn't do anyone wrong. There's no need to be sorry for the things you did, and feel you did right. And there's especially no need to be sorry for the things that you haven't done.

The one thing I am sorry for, is how shallow people and the world can be. Everything is done on the surface, and society in general, kinda disgusts me nowadays. Now, don't get me wrong, I mean society disgusts me, as in not the people, but as a whole.

But yeah, this is just a v messy rant online, and I'm not exactly thinking straight seeing as its 12.31am and I should be sleeping so yeah... hahahaha bye.

Fill your life with positivity, and light up your life with all the happiness you can find. Because, why should you let the negativity get to you, when you can look at the bright side of things instead? 

POSITIVITY IS KEY.

You call the shots babe

Today in PW, my teacher asked if I was okay cos she said that I looked really dazed and I told her that I'm just really tired. I have been napping alot recently, and the morning routines of getting up from bed to brushing my teeth and prepping myself for school to having to go school for PW intensives is getting a little dull and I think my body is currently recovering from the lack of sleep I suffered from during pre-promos, thus explaining my lethargy recently.

Also, many many things have happened recently and I realised that every single person have different sides to them so we can't trust anyone as much as we believe we can, and I am reminded of how I once had such bad trust issues, and the things that have been happening recently just reminded me of how it might not be such a bad thing after all having some kinda trust issues, and having your guard for people and things, higher up.

I've also been missing dhs for some reason, especially the people there, cos it was really nice and safe with you guys there even though it was kinda boring cos everything was all about studies most of the times. Am listening to one of the few chinese songs you actually listen to and like now, and it's been a long time... Clarice suggested for a class chalet/outing and I really want it to happen cos I miss everyone so much and I just wanna see you guys and talk to all of you, and just hang out with you guys again real soon, and enjoy each other's company. As much as I dislike admitting this, dhs will always have a special place to me even though my time there has been a ride of ups and downs, cos you guys used to make me so happy, and when I had you guys around me, it was the time of my life.

"She knew she didn't love him anymore, at least not in that way, and she knew that although he probably missed her and the memories they shared, he was someplace else now, happier than she could've ever made him; and she, someplace else too. She was no longer a part of his life, somewhat, but she didn't understand why he wouldn't just cease to exist as a whole."

So you'll always have a special place in my heart, and nothing could ever change that or make me forget all that we had, and honestly even now, I still miss you pretty badly on some days. But everyday with him is making things better, and he makes me really happy and he makes me feel so loved in case you were wondering... And sometimes I feel bad cos somedays I feel that I might not ever have the capacity in my heart again, to love him enough, even though he constantly reassures me that I do. Looking at him sometimes, I feel so lucky and blessed, and I learnt my lesson the hard way to cherish the people around me who loves and appreciates me, but talk is cheap and I've come to realise how hard that is to do, but I'm trying. There has been many ups and downs throughout this journey, and I haven't tried this hard to move on from something/someone before, but with his help, though it feels like it's hard sometimes, I'm doing it.

I am so grateful though, despite the many ups and downs I have and feel somedays, I am especially grateful to him for he tolerates me and the mess I can be sometimes, my random panic/anxiety attacks nowadays due to stress, my moodswings, my random breakdowns, my random outbursts. He accepts me for who I am, and never expects me to change for him. He loves me for me, and in all honesty, we could ask for so many things in this world, but this (having someone to love you for who you are and to not ask for anything much in return) is something we could ask for and that might never be ours. I am a lucky girl who is so very blessed, and happy 2 months babe thank you for always being so kind and patient and understanding towards the things I feel and go through *warm hugs* hehehe and as much as I feel that my love for you might be pretty inadequate somedays, thank you for constantly reassuring me that I am adequate, and that my love for you is adequate, and thank you for loving me without asking for much in return. I love you X.

A million shards of glass

WHEEEEEEEE END OF PROMOS GUYSSSS OMG I am so relieved cos there was this point in time pre promos that I got so stressed up I started struggling to breathe sometimes, and it felt kinda like I was about to have a panic attack but thank goodness I was able to control it alittle, and now ITS OVERRR HEHE.

The past few weeks have been really hectic and I can now finally take a breather though I doubt I'll be able to take much of a breather cos we have PW WR and OP to finish up now and yesterday was such a turn off though we just ended our promos, cos we were immediately summoned for pw by our teacher wtf sigh.

Anyway, all these aside, I just can't wait for all the things that I have been planning on doing since pre promos, and I am really excited hehehe :) I can finally have the time to catch up with old friends, esp my dhs friends, and I CANT WAIT FOR THAT COS I MISS THEM SO MUCH.

Many things have happened over the past few weeks and there were many stressful negative vibes that have been really tiring and draining, but I guess at the end of the day, what matters the most is that we don't let these negative vibes get to us cos we're stronger than we think we really are! Broke down a couple of times over the past week, but I remember how someone gave me strength and taught me to be brave and strong, and to be better, and all of the things he taught me will always resound in my head, and in me, no matter what happens.

Also, many positive things have happened to me amidst the negativity which has made me feel really grateful and blessed!! Oh and there's bowling on monday and I really can't wait omg. I also heard that there'll be a band performance by the Scape Invasion in school on monday morning and if it's really gonna happen, I really hope The Sam Willows and Gentle Bones come cos I really wanna see them live omg!!

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable

Today sucked ass. I woke up with a shock at 10.21am and literally jumped out of my bed cos I was supposed to be awake at 9 plus for PW meeting, but apparently, they were just signing out of school at that time cos most of my group members had physics supp class this morning, and they went to play bball after that LOLOL. Then after brushing my teeth and bathing and stuff, my cramps hit me like a truck and I've been in pain since 11am plus this morning. I've eaten 5 panadols and the pain still isn't subsiding and times like this, I really really hate being a girl ugh. (Boys should never complain they are in pain unless they got kicked in the balls or something, but even that subsides in awhile cos they haven't felt real pain, unless they've gone through labour which is apparently 10x more painful than cramps, or cramps like mine wtf. I hate cramps. I wanted to vomit so many times today cos of how painful they were, and it sucks when you've eaten so much panadol, and you've used your heat pack till your skin has kinda burnt, but the pain still doesn't want to go away. Boys should never complain that life sucks cos at least they don't have to deal with a blood bath once every freaking month, for goodness sake.) My cramps actually went away twice during the day, but it came back afterwards too, so it really kinda sucks. I went out at like 5 plus to find my PW group at the library near my house cos my cramps subsided at that time (it has come back though... sighhh) and my fave piggy came out of the library to look for me before I met up with our group, to give me a huge ass hug to comfort me, because I've been complaining to him about my pain for the whole freaking day, and he has been listening to me really patiently even though he can't do anything to help, and he kept checking up on me throughout the day to make sure I'm okay, and I really really needed the hug at that time hehe. He also treated me to nice seaweed he got from the value dollar shop in the mall and IT WAS SO NICE HEHE. (He is sooooo nice and soooooo cute and soooooo lovable x92385792857 and of course, sooooo huggable, I just wanna hug him 24/7 HEHE)

((why is he such a cutie omg hehehe❤❤❤))

Also, it is already thursday, and my sept hols are coming to an end omg. This is kinda horrible cos I haven't really been very productive this hols, especially today, cos I'm really too unwell to do anything and I feel so bad about it, but okay, I shall try to make up for it either tonight, or over the remaining 3 days of my sept hols hahaha (!!!). There are still many things on my timetable left uncompleted and I have not started on my Application of Differentiation tutorial at all, andddd I think there's E.lit homework that I haven't done either, as well as one econs essay corrections. Sigh. My stress level is increasing and maybe that's why my cramps got so bad today, and I'm having irregular pimple outbreaks boooo ): ): 

On a side note, the last time I updated my blog, I forgot to mention that I visited dhs exactly a week ago on teacher's day celebration with Felicia, and I met up with a few of my friends whom I haven't seen in about 6 to 7 months!!! I was really happy though I was kinda sad at the same time cos I actually went back for the food but the canteen was closed and the drink stall wasn't selling cup drinks that day ): But I was so happy too cos I finally met up with old friends and even though it was a really short meet up, it was really really gr8 hehehe :) They bombarded me with questions I expected them to bombard me with (those who follow me on my pa will understand LOLOL) and yup I really CAN'T WAIT to have a proper meet up with them after our promos and PW OP ends, cos I really wanna catch up with them on everything I've missed out on from their lives over the past few months hehe :) I also saw a few other old friends in school from 4A and 2I, and I really hope there'll be a 2I outing soon cos I've missed them a lot since we last saw each other on V'day this year HAHA.

Oh and I found it quite amusing how some people I knew didn't recognize me when they saw me like LOL IDEKY COS I DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE MUCH EXCEPT FOR THE CONTACTS LOLOL. But yup, I can't wait to go back to dhs again soon cos I miss the canteen soooo much omg. I can't believe I used to complain about the lack of food in the canteen cos after going to YJC, I realized how good dhs' food is and the canteen is the one thing apart from the people, that I've missed from the school LOL. Like, shit I miss their dan fan, and filled to the brim 80cents milo, and 50cents soya bean milk and barley drink that's filled to the brim too, and their thai food, and their tauhuay, and I miss their bao and lor mai kai and omg the list could go on and on. YJ's food might be nice and all BUT IT'S EXPENSIVE AND THEY ARE SO STINGY, ESP THE DRINK STALL OMG THEY GIVE LIKE 3/4 THE CUP FOR DRINKS AND THEY SELL IT AT RATHER EXPENSIVE PRICES BOOOO AND THE CAIFAN STALL IS A RIP OFF WTF JDNFSDJF but okay I shall stop complaining about the food cos there are nice food too like nasi lemak, mee rebus, mee siam, bakhut mee sua, kway chap, curry chicken noodle, fish soup noodle, fried fish soup noodle ahhh okay shall stop listing out the nice food in YJ too cos I'm getting hungry and I don't even know where all this blabbering is taking me LOL. This must be the doing of the 5 panadols I've taken today, but yas okay shall end off now andddd okay BACK TO STUDYING. 

"Focus. Hard work pays."

You make my heart feel like it's summer

About 3 to 4 more weeks to promos and I've been rather or very busy lately so I haven't had the time to blog and these past few weeks have been tiring and trying though it's also been pretty good to me hehe.

3 weeks ago I underwent insomnia and the feeling was so horrible cos I was exhausted as heck but I just couldn't sleep no matter what and I went through that for 3 freaking days, I wanted to cry so badly but I didn't even have the energy to. Thank God I finally started sleeping better on the 4th day and my sleep cycle started returning to normal slowly afterwards.

Am starting to get a little stressed out with work and stuff cos the workload is really starting to come in, and sometimes I feel like I won't be able to catch up on my work, cos truth be told, I haven't been working as hard this term as compared to the previous 2 terms but I'm gonna spend my sept hols wisely, and catch up on all my work within this 1 week hols, cos we can do alot in a week. I've already planned out my sept hols timetable and now it's fully packed which means I won't have time for any non-work related activities until post promos, and I hope I have the focus and drive and determination to push myself to try to keep up to and complete at least 70% of the things on the timetable. I'll make this sept hols a productive one cos I really need to do well for promos.

I remember starting off this year with a note of "work hard and don't disappoint yourself or anyone around you again" to myself this year, and I really do not want to fail myself cos I think I've done enough of that over the past 4 years. The past 4 years has taught me alot in so many different aspects, and I hope I grow from all that, and become better.

// Side note from work and school and all, someone has entered my life and I hope he stays for good, cos he is so lovable and so kind and understanding; he's always ALWAYS there for me despite my rants, my worries, and me and my overthinking habits. He always listens, and he's always around - be it physically or virtually to comfort me each time I confide in him.

He is my happy pill. He injects my world with happiness and positivity, and I am so grateful for his existence.

But most importantly, I am so grateful and thankful for I am a very very lucky girl to be cared for and loved by someone like him. I am the luckiest to have him; and I love him very very very much (!!!) .

"They were right when they said love is boundless; 

Except, they left out the part, 

where my heart would be bound to yours infinitely, 

and that your taste would be left in my mouth so tenderly."

Love me like you do

"He took my arm, I don't know how it happened. We took the floor"

The past 3 days have been pretty great hehe :)

On thursday, we had national day celebration in school to celebrate our nation's SG50 and honestly, it was the worst and most boring celebration I have ever attended, until the SLs came and took the stage, and started popping confettis all over the hall LOLOL. The celebration became slightly better afterwards and we were throwing confettis at each other and some of us were stuffing confettis into Leo's shirt so that when he ran around and stuff, he would be raining confettis HAHAHAHA. After the celebration ended, me, Josh, Cher, Kennee, JR and Justin went to help the class get tickets for Fantastic 4 cos we were the only ones who didn't have college day, and we kinda stayed in school for an hour plus before we left cos me and Cher were having some girl talk and the guys wanted to give us our space which was really nice of them. 

Cher (if you read this) I know you're going through a pretty rough time now but the grass is greener on the other side so look on the bright side of things alright? Don't let what anyone else has to say or what they think affect you cos you know you deserve better, and you are a brave and strong girl who will make it pass all the obstacles in your life. You are such a wonderful friend and such a wonderful person, and please don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And when you feel like you're alone and stuff, please know that you still have me, and make the best out of everything okay! :) Lav youuuu❤❤

After the girl talk and stuff, we left school and bought the tickets before lepaking at northpoint till the rest of them came, and we went to watch Fantastic 4. Fantastic 4 sucked ass wtf. I have never watched a movie in the cinema before and I thought it was bad, until this movie cos it was so horrible, I wasted my money booo ): But the company made it alot better hahahaha :)

After the movie, some of the class left cos they had other plans, while the rest stayed and we went to eat dominoes for dinner cos there was this 50% discount offer going on which made the pizzas really cheap and worth the money, and we had so much fun while eating our dinner, it really made up for the whole day hahaha :)

On friday, me and Josh made plans to go to SAM and the exhibitions there were quite nice though there were some really scary ones like the live human exhibition LOLOL We were both scared of that so we hurried our way in and out of that area HAHAHAHA. Honestly, I can't really remember the things we saw at SAM cos the only thing I remembered was being there with him which was really nice hehe. But I remember we were looking at this exhibition and we heard this aunty saying she saw a girl in the art piece and me and Josh walked back after the aunty left to look for the girl, and all we saw were plants and leaves LOLOL. Josh said that we're the normal people and I guess we just aren't artsy-fartsy HAHAHA. After looking at the exhibitions, we went to the museum shop and we saw many cool things there that were being sold at ridiculous prices except for a few which were still kinda reasonable. Then we went to the photobooth and I swear that was the worst photobooth I've ever done but the funniest HAHAHA. The photos were so bad, but I still laugh at the photos now everytime I look at it, so I guess that's what matters the most :) We were gonna retake the photos at the booth but the note machine wasn't working and we ran out of coins so we just left. But this just gives us a reason to go back there together again hehe. After we left SAM, we went to the suntec convention centre shopping mall and we just walked around, and we found ourselves in Toys 'R US and we acted like 2 over grown kids there it was quite funny, but really fun too hehehe. After we left the convention centre, we went to marina bay sands and we somehow found ourselves out of the MBS building and we were by the Singapore River and the view there is so beautiful, and as we walked along the river to a quieter spot, everything just seemed so peaceful and quiet, and it's like that was all that mattered in that moment. I loved it there. I told Josh that if I ever get chased out of my house LOLOL I would bring like a few cardboards there and just stay there cos it's so calm there. We left after standing there and just talking to each other, and enjoying each other's presence for awhile, and I went home. It was a really great day though some shit happened at home that night. It is always a great time with him and I love his company❤❤❤

Yesterday, I met up with Felicia and Chan (Christine) who I haven't seen in a pretty long time to study, and I had a gr8 time catching up with them and updating them on stuff hehe. Some pretty good things happened yesterday too and I felt really blessed and lucky and loved, and I was really happy :)

"When your love is reciprocated, that's the best feeling in the world." //

I can't wait for the right time, for you and I, and for us.

Can you feel the love tonight

3 bad days in a row but someone hasn't stopped listening to me rant no matter what happened, and he hasn't stopped being there for me and I am so grateful.❤❤❤ //


Thank you for always being there, and for always being the best.

Thank you for everything.

Papertowns

"Maybe the strings inside of him broke." // Papertowns

Yesterday, I finally went to catch the movie papertowns. I am yet to read the book, and after watching the movie, I really wanna borrow or get the book or sth just so that I can read it, because I'm pretty sure the book will be a hella lot better than the movie, cos the movie was pretty good though it was boring at some points. (It was generally alot better than the TFIOS movie LOL)

I met up with Joy to have a quick catch up with her over breakfast and we talked about alot of stuff, and I now constantly find myself being able to be alot more honest with her and people about alot of things, and I kinda like that, cos I just feel that it is so important that people are honest to themselves, cos that's like one of the least things anyone could ever do for themselves. After breakfast, we just sat in burger king and we talked for quite awhile more before we both left for our respective plans, mine being to meet Josh.

I was pretty early when I left Joy so I reached somerset 313 earlier than expected. Meanwhile, Josh reached alot later than expected cos he got held up by his food at lunch with his family, which took way longer than he expected to arrive at his table LOL so I waited for him at 313 for an hour plus before he finally appeared, panting and sweating cos he ran to the mrt, and from the mrt when he reached HAHAHA. He promised he would buy me sth or treat me to sth to make up for being late hehe. We went to cineleisure the moment he arrived and we went to get the tickets for papertowns, and we got assigned the couple seat LMAO but we took it anyway, before we went to Cheers downstairs to get some snacks for the movie. Afterwards, we just lepaked outside the theatre for an hour or so before the movie started, and we just sat there and talked, and we took pictures, and we just had fun talking to each other hehehe :) During the movie, while we were focusing on the movie, from time to time, we would look at each other and laugh at the comments made by the girls sitting a row behind us cos they were gushing over how cute Quentin and Margo's relationship was, and how cute the other characters in their respective relationships were, and they were literally spazzing and squealing when Ansel Elgort made a guest appearance in the movie starring as this random cashier in the convenience shop at some petrol station LOL. After the movie, being the cutie pie he was, he took the long way to go to nex with me by taking the red line before transferring at bishan, though he could have taken the direct purple line all the way to nex HAHA.

I had a really gr8 day yesterday, and it is always a good time with Josh aka best piggy cos he is such a lovely human being and I adore him alot, and I just wanted to say that I am really grateful he came into my life. Last night, he suddenly told me "I just realised, that we've only known each other for 5 months, near 6. Feels like we've known each other forever." And I asked him "yeah it feels like a really long time huh hahaha but isn't that good?" and he replied "yup it's good". And it really is good cos he makes me feel really comfortable when I'm with him, and I feel safe, and I know that he is true and genuine, and I trust him alot. Like ALOT, cos I know that he means what he says, and that he wouldn't lie to me. And I love that he can make me feel that way cos out of the people I've met in my 17 years alive, there's only ever been that few people who have been able to make me feel this way, say like 2 or 3, maybe 4. And I am so grateful for his presence in my life. //

Josh, if you ever read this, thank you. Thank you for lighting up my life in so many ways, and thank you for being such a lovable human being. Thank you for being you, and thank you for making me so happy. Thank you for always being there for me, always thinking of ways to make me happy when I'm upset over the silliest things, when I'm tired, when I'm just sad for no reason at all or when I'm sad over stuff, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed up, and when I'm just simply a mess that hardly anyone can be bothered dealing with. When it feels like no one out there gives a freaking damn, you do. And I love that. Thank you for being such a wonderful and kind person, and for being my best piggy. We promised we would always be there for each other, and this is a promise I hope we'll never forget. Lav youuuu❤❤❤ X.