You are my remedy

I turned 18 yesterday!!! WEW✨✨✨

Yesterday was a really gr8 day and it was honestly one of the best birthdays ever cos I got to spend it with some of the really important people in my life, and the most important person ever, planned everything, and he has been planning since a month ago??? I am so blessed.

I met up with Josh yesterday morning at around 11.45am and we went to eat hot tomato and I ate carbonara and it was reallyyy nice hehe. He gave me my first birthday present there which was a really cute bracelet. After that we walked around the mall and shopped cos he said we had free time till like 2plus, according to his plans, so I was like okaaay. He was on his phone almost all the time and being really suspicious LOL but at around 3 plus, he dragged me to OC and we walked around somemore, and I was honestly getting really tired and a little annoyed cos all we were doing was walking in circles LOL. Then he dragged me to the OC roof garden and I was complaining almost all the time cos it was so freaking hot there, and I was wearing long sleeves, and I was sweating HAHAHA. We managed to find this sheltered area, and we sat there, and he gave me my next birthday present which was a really beautiful, and elegant necklace and I loved it, and I was really touched cos I cannot imagine how much sacrifices he had to make, to save up to buy this for me. Awhile back, when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him that I just really want something that I can keep and remember, and not something that'll be worn out one day, and that I'll have to throw away eventually, and he remembered. I was really really touched, and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. After that, he helped me put it on and it was soooo pretty.

He then brought me to the lower floor of the roof garden, and I saw a flash of someone running past, and I realised it was kennee LOL and I shouted at him HAHAHAHAHAHA then a group of them came out with a small tiramisu cake and started to surprise me LOL. Fel and Chan were there again omg and there was Jojo, Chew and Kennee HAHAHA

Josh told me a few others were also involved and were supposed to come but they couldn't make it in the end but still thank u guyz it's the thought that counts :)

We stood in the hot sun for a good 1 hour plus I think, taking photos and stuff LOL then Jojo, Chew and Kennee left first. Me, Josh, Fel and Chan stayed there for a while longer and took more photos before we left LOL, and Chan and Fel went to other places HAHAHA. Me and Josh were supposed to watch Finding Dory but I had like 5 balloons in my hand and it was hitting everyone everywhere I went, and there was a really long queue at the cinema's ticket booth so we ended up not watching. Me and Josh were really tired by then, so we went to Koufu at cineleisure to lepak and drink some drinks. After that, we went to Taka to eat dinner. I had a really bad tummy ache there so I was in the toilet for quite awhile LOL and me and Josh went home earlier than expected. I wanted to send Josh off at bishan but he refused cos he wanted me to go home earlier to get some rest so I went home HAHAHA.

Thank you everyone who wished me (either face to face, through text, ig dedis etcetc), and thank you to everyone who wrote me cards and got me presents. I really appreciate them all alot cos it's really the thought that counts and I am so blessed. Thank you to those who came down yesterday just to celebrate my birthday with me I really really appreciate the extra effort cos yall really didn't have to come down at all so THANK U GUYS❤❤❤

Thank you Fel and Chan for celebrating my birthday with me, for 2 days, even though the first day was kinda a troll LOL. Sorry I looked disappointed at your presents cos I thought they were your legit gifts but they ended up being troll gifts LMAO and thank u so much for your actual gifts HAHAHA. I really love them alot and I am so grateful for the both of you, for being such constants in my life, and for always having my back no matter what happens. LOVE YOU GUYS ALOT❤❤❤

22nd June 2016 HAHAHA :)

23rd June 2016 ((actual day HAHAHA YAY))

And of course, thank you Josh. You are such a blessing in my life. I recieved quite a number of gifts this birthday, and your gifts were of course my favourite, but really, you are the best gift out of all✨✨✨ Thank you for making my 18th such a special one, but as I have told you so many times, you are truly the most special. Thank you for everything you've done for me; for tolerating me and all the nonsense I throw at you. Thank you for always trying your best to make me happy, even when it may be at the expense of yours sometimes; for doing so much for me. Thank you for always accepting me for who I am, even when I'm at my worst, and thank you for reminding me how much you love me, even when we're at our worst, fighting, and being really unreasonable and especially harsh with each other during the bad times. Thank you for loving me and being here for me, through all the thicks and thins, and for staying. Thank you for helping me get through all the really dark days, and for helping me, and teaching me how to open up to people again. Thank you for letting me, let you in. Thank you for everything, really. You make me feel so happy, blessed, and loved, and thank you. Thank you for being my happiness, my blessing, and my love. I love you more than anything else, and I could never thank you enough❤❤❤❤❤❤

The pendant on the necklace represents infinity✨ // Thank you baby I love you X. ❤❤❤

How long will I love you

Just a really quick update cos I haven't updated my blog in more than a month. This month has been crazy hectic. Before the june hols started, I was counting down the number of days till the june hols will start, cos I was getting so tired and drained of school. People in school were tiring me out and draining me so badly, and I really hated going to school. Somedays, I just wanna hide away from everyone and be alone. But thank God I pulled through.

It is now the end of the 3rd week of the June hols which leaves me with one last week, and I won't be studying much this week cos it's my birthday week, and I'm going out quite a few times to celebrate ((sigh)). There is really so much to do, and so little time. I really need better time management skills. I will never understand how some people are able to juggle between work and social life so well, and sometimes, I really envy these over-achievers ALOT.

Yesterday, we had class bbq and I was contemplating for a really long time as to whether I should go, or stay home to study cos I really need to buck up on my studies... but I decided to go and they "surprised" me and chartay ((and supposedly Austin who didn't turn up LOL)) with a cake and they got me the really cute bucket hat I had my eyes on when I went out with the class girls to shop that time, and a distressed denim skirt HAHAHA YAY thank u guys I lav yall alot HEHEHE. I'm really grateful to everyone who put in the time and effort to plan this event and to celebrate our special day with us, but most importantly, I think it's really the thought that counts so thank u guys!!! :)

Photo edit creds seem HAHAHAHA :)

203 girls minus those who are absent WEW

Just as the bbq started ytd, I recieved a call from my mum and she was being really unreasonable over the phone and she just started screaming at me out of nowhere for no reason, and I was so angry and upset I just ran into the toilet and I was ranting to Fel, when Chew and Kath came into the toilet to see if I was okay, and I just broke down and cried and told them what happened, and when I walked out with them, Chew offered me food and I was really touched and I continued ranting to Fel ((this girl never fails to listen to me rant I swear thank God she came into my life)) and I sat there alone cos I really didn't want to interact with anyone at that time. Seem came to give me food too ((thank u seem and chew lav yall hehehe)) and Dames came to talk to me and I told him that if he came to talk to me now I might cry again so he gave me my space HAHAHAHAHA.

When I started to interact w people again after that, I was still feeling kinda upset. Thankfully, Kennee, Jr, Dames and Guang came to talk to me and tried to poke fun at me, and tease me, to make me laugh and yay they succeeded HAHAHAHA I felt alot better after that cos it's really comforting to have people care for you when you're upset, and to know that people care, and I'm super grateful to have them around in my life, and I really hope our friendship will last for many many more years to come hehehe. They never fail to have my backs when I'm upset and be there for me, and listen to me rant when I'm feeling down, give me advice (even if it's stupid advice sometimes LOLOL) and they never fail to make me laugh, albeit by doing or saying stupid things HAHAHAHA. Thank you guys✨✨✨✨ ((1 for 1 of you HAHAHAHA))

And ofc thank u Josh I'm sorry I always always push you away when I'm upset even though supposedly, I'm supposed to turn to you (ironic ik LOL - zzz at my attachment issues HAHAHAHA haiz) but thank you for always watching out for me and being there for me and for knowing right away when I'm feeling off. I love you❤

"How long will I love you? As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand"

What is love

I have been really busy recently and I haven't had the time to blog at all but today, I really need to get some things off my chest. The past month hasn't been easy. School has been really hard and I really feel like giving up alot, but I keep trying to push myself to go on, and to try to do better, even though my results right now really seems like it's not gonna get me anywhere.

School is taking a toll on me, and it's making it really hard for me to balance my priorities out. I don't even know what I want anymore... I just rly wanna do v well for A's but there's so much to do and so little time sigh. //

How do you love someone right? And enough?

I wish we met while I was whole;
while I wasn't cold,
but bold
to love. 

I wish I met u before I ever met anyone else.

You deserve better than me and I don't deserve this love as much as you think I do, but thank you. 

Maybe in another life, I'll love you better but in this moment, we're both struggling to breathe, and I'm fighting not to drown. I guess we both are. 

You feel like a dream I never woke up from

"You were the storm that changed the skyline. After the damage and the deluge, I could see things so much clearer. There hasn't been another like you since. // 

In 1953, we began naming hurricanes, So we could remember them beyond the wreckage. So we could try to make sense of the destruction; 

This is the way I remember you."

Happy 18th birthday you // I really hope you're doing well and as always, I wish you all the happiness in the world cos you deserve everything good in this world. 
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I used to love you beyond words could ever measure, and I always will X. 

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

"There's hell; then there're days without you"

Today was a pretty gr8 day!! I went out with the study group and it took them like 983737x hours to decide where they wanted to go the day before on the group and I was honestly getting quite fed up cos its kinda pekcek but we FINALLY decided on going to marina barrage. When we reached Marina Bay, we were super confused as to where to go and we ended up going to the wrong bus stop. The guys were using google maps and they wanted to direct us towards marina barrage which was clearly the wrong direction (... reasons why google maps AND GUYS are unreliable !!!) ((Jk HAHAHAHA)) and luckily we managed to ask this kind bus uncle who directed us towards the right bus stop. As we were walking towards the bus stop, we passed by this super big ass tower that looked like an office building and we all thought it was, until we saw the signage that said "Marina Bay Residence" and we were all rly shocked cos wow that place looked rly high end (I wanna stay at a place like this one day???). Awhile later, we saw MBS and we saw some nice benches there, so we kinda gave up on going to marina barrage and decided on just settling down at the benches outside MBS to picnic cos the weather was too damn hot and no cap or sunglasses could help us deal with the heat LOL. While we were eating the food we bought, some birds started coming (yux) and Josh and Kennee were like running everywhere to chase them away but the birds kept coming back, and more and more started coming, and we got scared when crows started coming, cos crows may attack people so we decided to pack up and look for another place to settle down. We found a place right outside MBS which was sheltered ((yay plus point!!!)) and so we decided to settle down there and continued eating our food. We stayed there for like 2hours plus, just talking and saying random stuff before going into MBS to walk around and stuff ((the toilet there is super atas I LOVE IT LOL)). We got bored afterwards so we decided to go to stadium HAHAHA.

We were shopping at sports hub when I saw a rly rly rly pretty off shoulder top at h&m but it was $39.90 and there was no way I was gonna spend nearly 40bucks on an off shoulder top ((no matter how nice it is)) so I left it there ((why do pretty things always come at such expensive prices??? SIGH)). Then we went to f21 and I saw this cuteass bear sock which was only $2 and Josh bought it for me ((yay thanks bby)) and we just walked around somemore before I had to leave cos I have a curfew... ((yes I know my curfew sux ass but guess who's not gonna care once she hits 18??? Dasrite - me lolll))

But yeah today has been a pretty good friday after all and I'm ever so grateful for all of u guys and am also v grateful for 7/7 attendance today cos it's so different with anyone of yall missing!!☺☺

"Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again"

// I have been rly moody recently as well, and my moodswings have been all over the place but thank YOU for still sticking by me all the time and tolerating with all my shit. It's hard to believe that you're still around after all these time, and sometimes, I feel like I do take you for granted alot, but I am really ever grateful and thankful for you. Thank you for teaching me how to love everyday even though I'm still rly bad at it, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be good at it. They say that time's supposed to heal me, but it has still been really really hard. Thank you though, for sticking by me despite all the mess I made, and thank you for always picking up my pieces after me. I am so unloving on some nights like tonight, cos sometimes I just wanna numb myself and forget what it's like to love, cos love can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, but thank you for reminding me of the beauty of love too from time to time. I know I am a v difficult person to please and love, but thank you for being so willing to do it all the time, and thanks for dealing with all the shit I throw at you. And thank you for loving me even when I'm being unloving as hell, and for tolerating all the times I start having a relapse. Sometimes I really wish I met you first so nothing would be in the way of how I feel and I'd just love you easily and freely without the fear of attachment, but I guess this is what they mean when they say we have to fight rly hard to get the love we deserve. Please trust me when I say I'm still fighting rly hard for the love you deserve ((cos you deserve nothing less than the best)) and when I say I'm still fighting and trying to be, and become better. These days, I have been constantly reminding myself not to have a relapse, and it has been so hard but I AM trying my best. I hate admitting all these to you, and I'd rather blog about this than tell them directly to you cos it's rly so hard to do, but if and when you read this, I hope you know, and I hope it reminds you of how much I appreciate you ((even tho I don't show it much cos I don't rly know how to)), and how much I love you despite my unloving and unfeeling cold nights.

"Under the half moon and its half-light, you found me."

// And to all of you out there who feel rly bad about yourself on some or most days, and are always constantly reminded of your own flaws ((not by others but mostly by yourself)) please know that you're not alone, and please also rmb to constantly surround yourself with positivity and with people who constantly reaffirm you and teach you ways to love yourself. Leave everyone who brings about negativity to your life or those who say things to try to bring you down, cos you of ALL people do not need to deal with shit like that. Self love is as important, no, it's MORE important than the love of others. I really do agree with the statement that "you can only love the people around you when you learn to love yourself" and though I'm so bad at loving myself and everything, I'm learning to, and I'm trying my best. But yas self love is vvv impt guys!!! Please rmb to be kind to yourself, to be gracious and to love yourself ((this is not only a note to myself but to everyone out there who's still struggling with this))☺

((P/S selfie cos yas self love is impt HAHAHAHAHA JK I just wanted to share the things this cute ass app I found can do hehehe okay till next time X.))

You radiate in me what the sun cannot

Blurred were the lines
of our memories
as we trample across them
whilst they lay upon the vast ocean -

We were fighting to drown.

//The day we met//

Blurred were the lines
of our love -

We were two separate entities;
now we're one.

Your light burned through
the holes
that once was my broken soul
and gradually, I became whole //

You radiate in me what the sun cannot.

I can't give you my soul

"Our love has gone cold;

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else."