Think of me in the depths of your despair

A single word can make a heart open.

You were everything to me and maybe, to a certain extent, you still are. And I miss you, so much.

But you deserve better.

So who am I to hold you down?

A little bit shining through the seams

This past few weeks have been really tiring, and I have come down to the extent where I fall asleep in class (and I don't usually do that), and I fall asleep while I'm doing my work even without knowing that I've fallen asleep sigh. JC life is really taking a toll on me, but despite all these, I feel really really blessed cos I have the best class ever to go through my JC life with me, and they make everything so so so much better.

PW group
I'm the PW rep of my class (got sabo-ed to be LOL) and so my teacher messaged me the groupings for my class, and when I first saw my group, I literally jumped out of my seat and was laughing cos I was feeling a mixture of happiness and large amounts of relief cos to me, this is a group too good to be true. Everyone in my group are people that I can get along really well with, and we're all really close to a certain extent, and I'm personally really close to like 3 of them and the other, I can talk to really well as well, except that we aren't that close. I need that A for PW so badly, and with this group, I just feel so motivated to work towards that A, and every single PW meeting that we've had is like filled with laughter, and though we digress quite alot, we are also very focussed and serious when we discuss, and we're all able to compromise with each other, and I am so grateful. Apart from being great PW members, they are also very very good friends. With every minute more that we spend with each other, I can really feel our friendship growing stronger, and it's like we're really becoming really good friends and idk but I just can't say how thankful and how grateful I am for them enough, and they make me really happy. My group is really really cute I swear hehehe

Ft. Josh, Kennee, Chartay, Me and Jierong :)

Arts Fusion 2015
That day was honestly one of the best days I've had in YJC. I felt really blessed and loved that day despite being really tired cos I was in school since early in the morning till like late at night. Joy and Yanlin came down all the way to yishun just to support me, and I only played one song, but they didn't complain about anything and they got me this lavender bouquet of flowers and I was really really happy. Then Shiying came to support me as well despite being down with a fever, like this girl deserves an award I swear and I freaking love her, and I am so glad to have gotten closer to her on the last day of OG orientation. But of course, the main highlight of all my supporters was my class, cos like half of my class came down to support us and they lied to us about not buying us any flowers when me and chartay shamelessly hinted to them (esp to my PW group) about wanting flowers. I felt really loved by my pw group that day cos the very people that acted as if buying me and chartay flowers would be a waste of their money, were the very people that created a 3-man group among themselves to decide who would buy the flowers, and the rest were ever ready to chip in. And they planned with the rest of our class what flowers to get us, and they got me and chartay and the 5 other performers from my class the prettiest red rose ever and when it was me and chartay's turn to perform, they were shouting our names so so so loudly and so many times, it could be heard throughout the entire audi, and despite my face burning, and making alot of mistakes (like rushing to my seat, sitting down when I'm supposed to stand, carrying and hugging my guitar when I'm supposed to hold it upright) cos I was really flustered by the amount of support they gave us, and despite them making me try really hard not to laugh, I felt really warm inside, and till today, the shouts and cheers coming from them are still ringing in my ears, in my head, and I don't think I could ever forget that cos that was my first ever guitar performance, and they made me feel really really happy that day.

ft. JOYYYY 

ft. Shiying hehehe

Entering YJC just a mere 3 months ago (it honestly feels like I've been there for like a year or so), I didn't know what to expect. My first day with my class after OG orientation was kinda bad cos at that time, I really wanted my OG to be my class, but thinking about it now, I'm really glad that we all separated and went to our own respective classes, cos I wouldn't ask for anything to be any different. When I first met my class, CTG103, I didn't really have that good an impression of it cos I thought that I wouldn't be able to get along with anyone from the class (both guys and girls) and my class was split into 2 on the first day (the noisy half and the quiet half, and I was obviously with the quieter half). Being a rather quiet person (when you first get to know me aka once you get to know me I'm not quiet anymore HAHAHAHA), I found the noisy bunch rubbing off on me kinda wrong and I was really skeptical about everything, and for the first 2 days with them, I didn't really talk much, and I was just using my phone ALOT. The next week came, and I remember myself starting to open up alittle to the class, trying to open up to talk to them, and idk but some way, somehow, I just opened up completely to my class, and we became really close to each other, and we're really really bonded, and I became close to alot of people in class, and I am so so so grateful. It's funny cos I have quite a few connections with some of my classmates, and Singapore is SO SMALL. I really feel that my class has been my pillar of support throughout the past 3 months cos everytime I'm stressed or feeling quite unhappy/down/angry, or when I'm feeling unwell, they're always there to support me, to encourage me, and they're always trying to comfort me, doing silly things to make me laugh and feel better, and they're always trying to make sure that I'm okay. These are the littlest things that matter the most, and I freaking love my class I swear cos they always always make me laugh so much, and they are such great friends (esp the people that I'm close to in class) who make me feel really blessed and loved, and I haven't been this happy in a while.

Thank you 103 for giving me no regrets about not doing as well in my O's and having to leave dhs cos you guys have made every single day since then so so so worth it, and I love yall so much, words are not enough to describe or encompass that love I have for you guys. I didn't know what to expect when I left dhs to yjc (as I've said so many times), but I guess it's true when they say that the most unexpected things that happen to you, always turn out to be one of the best. :')

Nights that belong to us

The echo of it's all over sets in.

"In that moment she left you there, she knew that she could become homesick for people too."

Day 10 // April :

Happy 17th birthday; 

I hope you're happy, and that you're doing well where you are.

Ps. I still miss you.

X.

The moon and the stars are nothing without you.

I was reading through my previous few blogposts when I remembered that one of my goals this year is to blog more frequently, yet I haven't really been blogging ever since school started, so I decided that I would blog today. For those of you who still don't know, I am now studying in YJC.

When I was first posted to YJC, I didn't know what I was gonna face, and what to expect, and honestly, everything was a little scary and overwhelming to me at first, but it's been a pretty good ride thus far, and I am really grateful. I was really quiet during the first week in school which comprised of orientation with my orientation group, and orientation with my class. I guess I wasn't really adapting very well that first week, and it was kinda rough for me cos just as I was opening up to my OG, we were being separated into our classes, so it's kinda like orientation restarted for me all over again. Speaking of orientation week with my classmates now, most of them would say that their first impression of me is that I am super quiet and that I was on my phone most of the time. But slowly after that first week in school, I started to adapt to the new environment, and I started to talk to the people in my class, and I slowly started opening up to them. After O's, I realised that I became a more quiet person than I was before and I didn't really like being in crowds, and sometimes, I would even feel suffocated being in the presence of a large group of people. And I wasn't like that before, till I think the stress of O's got to me. But I'm really glad that my class has managed to make me open up once again, and I'm becoming way less quiet than when they first got to know me.

CTG 103:
This class is a really special class I suppose. From that very first day I stepped into class, I realised that everyone in my class was already opening up to each other, and trying to get to know each other. While I was being really quiet in the first 2 days, I was observing everyone in my class and I realised that my class is a class full of extroverts. I didn't know if I was gonna get along well with them or if I was even gonna like that class cos introverts and a big group of extroverts don't really mix well together, but something about this class just made me feel kinda welcomed I guess? And so I started learning to open up to them a little and it's safe to say that today, they no longer see me as the quiet girl they first saw me as. I was thinking about my class the other day, and it hit me how we've only known each other for about a month and 2 weeks cos the amount of comfort we feel as a class makes it seem like we've already known each other for a year. Of all the classes I've been in from when I started schooling, this is the first class I've been in that doesn't have a clique. Unless we're being separated into our various classes due to varying subject combinations, we're always as a class, and almost every single person can get along with each other (almost because there are about 2 people out of 22 people in our class that we can't really interact with - one of the 2 people really pisses me off and I feel so uncomfortable just by his presence ugh but that's another story for another day), and when we go for recesses and stuff, we'll always book like 2 tables so that we can eat and talk together. This class is also crazily funny, and we do a hella lot of crazy stuff together like birthday bashes (and that's just one example cos there's like too many and I can't recall all of them right now). One of my classmates say that everyday with the class is like an abs workout, and I really agree with her cos we can never go by one day as a class without laughing, ALOT.

Before the JC1s went for the JC1 adventure camp, many of the teachers and our seniors would tell us that's really the time where our class would bond and stuff, but our class was already really bonded before the camp, and I would like to think that the camp has only strengthened our bond, and made us become even closer to one another. At the camp, I spoke to people in my class I didn't really have the chance to speak to before that, and I became closer to the people I was close but not as close to previously. The camp made me realise how blessed and lucky I am cos almost every single person in my class are really nice and understanding, and we're always trying to be there for each other. The amount of energy my class has is also crazily overwhelming cos by the 3rd day aka last day of the camp, most of the other classes were exhausted and all my class needed was an hour's worth of rest before our energy was somehow replenished and we became crazy and high again. My class is really loud and noisy and we definitely disturbed the other class sharing the bus with us, but I think they were also super amazed by how much energy we have? Cos from the very first day of the camp till the last day of the camp, our energy didn't diminish at all and we only became more energetic over the course of the camp. We were having singing sessions at the back of the bus, doing random cheers, and my class definitely went crazy with the song choices cos we were singing Epop to kids songs like Dora, Spongebob, Little Einstein etc, and the other class on the bus was totally judging us but none of us actually cared. On the day of the campfire which was also the 2nd night, my class went totally high and we were jumping up and down, kinda almost like we're clubbing, when they blasted music. Honestly, that was the only highlight of the campfire, cos the rest of the activities in the campfire was kinda boring, and it honestly kinda sucked a little. But this camp really made me feel super grateful for this class and I really like this class alot cos it's so fun and they've made being posted to YJC so worth it, and because of them, I really feel like I'm having the time of my life right now. Also, as my class is the only class that has people taking 4H2s, our timetable sucks ass but this class in itself just makes up for the horrible time table, and I feel that having a class like that in JC is so important cos they bring in that much more fun and happiness into the really taxing and exhausting JC cirriculum.

I am blessed, and I am really lucky, and I honestly feel like I can't ask for a better class in YJC. This is only the start of our 2 year journey together as a class, and I'm really looking forward to the next 2 years with you guys. It's gonna be a ride full of ups and downs, but I believe that you guys will make this ride one of the most worth-while rides in my life, ever. ❤❤❤

(Uploaded the pics we took at camp cos our phones weren't taken away and so we took ALOT of selfies and photos, but yayyy presenting to you the hella cool, hella cute, hella sweg class CTG 103!!! Hehehe)

Surgings

"I have learned this along my journey: letting go doesn't mean loving any less."

I still miss you.