2016 - done and dusted!!!

Hellu guys it's 2017!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE WEW

2016 has been one hell of a ride and it honestly doesn't even feel like one whole year has passed, cos the past year just flew by. 2016 was definitely not the best year, and in fact, it was a pretty bad year given the immense amount of stress I had to experience due to A's and all the other shit that happened, but I'm really glad it's over. With the new year comes new resolutions I want and hope to achieve, and as we get done and dusted with 2016, we all come out with people lost (and gained), lessons learnt, and experiences gained. 

It's funny because as every year comes to an end, I always tend to know very clearly what lessons I have learnt and stuff, but as 2016 comes to an end, I don't really know what I've learnt. I guess I learnt that it's okay to let toxic people go. In fact, we SHOULD let toxic people go, and not let their negativity affect us. I guess I also learnt that we should never let anyone or anything get in the way of our goals, and we should always stay focused and on task. I learnt that it is important to know what we want in life, and to work and fight for it. In 2016, I've lost a few friends, some more dear to me than others. I've learnt that even the people who were closest to you, and who meant the world to you, can and will hurt you. They will disappoint you. I've learnt that pain is a back and forth thing, and sometimes, I really wish it'd just cease to exist. I've learnt that resentment is extremely unhealthy, and it's better to just let bygones be bygones ((even if it's just easy to say, but hard to do)). I've learnt that no matter how deep your wounds, time really does heal you, no matter how long it takes. And with that, I've learnt that pain is temporary. You may not forget, but with time, one day, you will really learn to move on. Maybe because of somebody, or something, or maybe it's simply because of yourself. Regardless, you will. With that said, I've also learnt that the people who help you move on, can end up becoming the ones to hurt you all over again. Pain is a constant cycle, and the only person who can truly help you, is yourself.

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I just wanna take this chance to say how damn grateful I am for these 2 friends (chan n fel ofc) who have stayed throughout everything - the good times and the bad. Thank you - for seeing the best parts of me and the worst parts of me, and accepting me wholly for who I am. Thank you for sticking by me through the thick and thins of my life, for being so damn understanding, and for always listening. I'm sorry for all the times I was a really inadequate friend, but I'm learning everyday to become a better person (and friend) and I hope you all know how much I freaking love you guys. We've known each other for 3 years now (time seriously flies) and here's to so many more years of friendship!!!❤

To Josh, thank you. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I am so damn grateful for you. It's so rare for couples to stay as friends, much less as close friends, after they break up, but I am so very grateful that we're still as close as ever. Thank you for being so damn forgiving through everything, and for always tolerating me. I haven't been the best person to you and I always tell you that you deserve more than me (because I truly think that you do) but thank you for not abandoning me hard and cold, and for staying in my life, even after we've seen each other at our worsts. I don't really care how (almost) everyone thinks it's weird that we're still so close even though we've already broken up, because really, their opinions are invalid as hell to me, but thank you for being such a true special gem with such a kind heart. You are such a good person, and thank you for being my best friend and I love you, always X.

"Part of what we shared has already vanished, and no amount of crying is going to bring that back."

To you. I really wish I could name you, and I really wanted to because there was so much for me to be thankful for, but it's such a pity that our friendship never ever works out no matter how hard I seem to try. I would like to think that you tried too, and I guess you really did at some point, but I guess I just am never good enough for you. I don't know what is going through your mind, and I guess I never will since you never will explain to me, but despite all the pain you put me through (I bet you don't even know much you broke my heart and hurt me because you just stopped trying), I just wanna thank you for all the good times we shared, and all the happy moments you gave me (even if it was only for a while). Thank you for all the nights you stayed up to talk to me when I was dealing with my panic attacks and anxiety. Thank you for all the times you tried to cheer me up when I was feeling really down, and for cheering me on and encouraging me to study when I was really unmotivated to study. Thank you for letting me open up to somebody again. You may not know how hard it is for me to open up to people because I know I look like I open up to people really easily, but the truth is that I don't. I hate and fear attachment because everyone and everything that I get attached to, somehow always leaves me (which is true for our case again...) and I hate dealing with losses. So thank you, for letting me learn to open up to somebody again, albeit it was only for a short period of time. Thank you for letting me in (somewhat) and for sharing with me things you said you only told me. I sincerely hope you weren't lying because I really appreciated every single thing you shared with me, no matter how small. I wish I could hate you for all the pain you caused me, for making me feel so small and empty (almost like I was nothing), for making me feel so easily replaced, for being so damn lazy ass irresponsible, and for just cutting me out like I never meant anything to you (even as a friend), but I could never. Deep down, like I said before, I still want to think of you as the really really good person I think (or thought) I know. Many people have told me to cut you out from my life completely, but they don't know that I could never do that especially when I promised you that I'll never cut you out from my life again, since the first time I did. I don't know if your promises to me meant anything, but at least by my own principles, the promises I made to you will always stand. Either way, I still wish you all the best, and like I told you before, I strongly believe that one day, you'll be really successful as long as you keep working hard, and as long as you stop being such a goddamn coward, and not knowing what you want. Thank you, for the good because they made me really really happy at some point, and for the bad. Take care, stay safe, and I hope you're happy.

To the timely advice I JUST got from person X, thank you. I wasn't expecting myself to get any advice from you, but I really just wanna say a vvv big thank you. Your advices are always damn legit and never with a pinch of biasness, and you really knocked some serious sense into me. It was like a cold ass blow to my heart, but it really woke me up. Thank you for always being so forthcoming with me, for not sugar coating anything, even if you know it's something I may not want to hear, and thank you for being so damn understanding, for not judging, and for always being really objective. We may not be the closest, but for all the few random heart to heart talks we have, I am thankful :-)

For my new year's resolutions in 2017, I just want a simple happy life I guess. So here are 10 things I hope to achieve in the new year!!!

1) Be happy

2) Be healthy and safe

3) Be a better person and be more understanding

4) Be more patient and kind

5) Talk less, listen more

6) Be more outgoing and adventurous

7) Be more calm, and less panicky (and get less anxiety attacks)

8) Learn to love myself more and not feel so inadequate all the time

9) Do things more for myself than for others

10) Learn to be contented

Have a really great new year ahead everyone!!! Let's make this coming year a really great one WOOOO :-)