Relativism

This time last year, I remember being really stressed out preparing for O's, and I remember how everyone was rushing to finish studying the O's syllabus before the exams. I remember panicking about my future (that is now) and where I would be, and what I would be doing. In all honesty, a year ago, I never ever saw myself in YJC, at where I am now, and all the most unexpected things have happened. A year later, I'm in YJC, with a boyfriend, and things are just entirely different from the way I thought or had wanted it to turn out. And I still do believe, that everything happens for a reason. //

Today, I strongly emphasise that it is IMPORTANT to stick to our own set of principles and values, and the least that we can do for ourselves, is to stick to that set of principles, and not betray ourselves. 

*Note to self - no one shall ever influence your set of principles. No one shall ever waver you. EVER*

Just a post of casual wordy rants from messy thoughts of 12.17am. 

Sometimes, people do things that go against their own principles and values, just cos it pleases the people around them. Sometimes people say things about people that aren't true, and sometimes people twist the facts of actual events that happened. Sometimes, people do things that are senseless, and sometimes people just do things out of pure stupidity and naivety. For whatever reasons they might have done the things they did, I have come to realise, that people of various personalities and characters DO exist in this world, and the world is full of scary people. There are so many people in this world, but so little trust and faith among us. Shit happens, and I guess we just gotta learn to deal with it.

Trust should only be given to those who are worthy of it, and who have earned it. 

Emotions are scary things, alongside people. Anger, jealousy, etc. These are such poisonous emotions. These are emotions that fill you with so much negativity. Having experienced this myself, I have come to conclude that these are emotions that need to be kept in check and in control at all times. Sometimes, we just gotta pull our minds away from these negative emotions, and keep a cool and calm head. Sometimes, walking away from the issue doesn't mean that you're being weak. Maybe sometimes, that's all you need to come back as a stronger person, and to be more sure of your own viewpoints, and your own stand. And sometimes, pulling away from all your problems, and not letting it affect you, is the best way to deal with the situation. Sometimes, it is the only way to prevent yourself from getting anymore involved.

((Always remember to breathe. "Breathe..."))

These past few months or weeks have taught me alot, and with every event, I guess I just gain a little more experience in life, and get to learn more about people. People are not as simple as you think they are, and one day, people's true colours do show. My own colours do show. The good sides, and the worse sides of each and everyone of us, do show. And with all of these things, I guess it really just boils down to the set of values we have for ourselves. There's no need to be sorry for your own beliefs, and for your own principles. There's no need to be sorry for the things you did, and didn't do anyone wrong. There's no need to be sorry for the things you did, and feel you did right. And there's especially no need to be sorry for the things that you haven't done.

The one thing I am sorry for, is how shallow people and the world can be. Everything is done on the surface, and society in general, kinda disgusts me nowadays. Now, don't get me wrong, I mean society disgusts me, as in not the people, but as a whole.

But yeah, this is just a v messy rant online, and I'm not exactly thinking straight seeing as its 12.31am and I should be sleeping so yeah... hahahaha bye.

Fill your life with positivity, and light up your life with all the happiness you can find. Because, why should you let the negativity get to you, when you can look at the bright side of things instead? 

POSITIVITY IS KEY.

You call the shots babe

Today in PW, my teacher asked if I was okay cos she said that I looked really dazed and I told her that I'm just really tired. I have been napping alot recently, and the morning routines of getting up from bed to brushing my teeth and prepping myself for school to having to go school for PW intensives is getting a little dull and I think my body is currently recovering from the lack of sleep I suffered from during pre-promos, thus explaining my lethargy recently.

Also, many many things have happened recently and I realised that every single person have different sides to them so we can't trust anyone as much as we believe we can, and I am reminded of how I once had such bad trust issues, and the things that have been happening recently just reminded me of how it might not be such a bad thing after all having some kinda trust issues, and having your guard for people and things, higher up.

I've also been missing dhs for some reason, especially the people there, cos it was really nice and safe with you guys there even though it was kinda boring cos everything was all about studies most of the times. Am listening to one of the few chinese songs you actually listen to and like now, and it's been a long time... Clarice suggested for a class chalet/outing and I really want it to happen cos I miss everyone so much and I just wanna see you guys and talk to all of you, and just hang out with you guys again real soon, and enjoy each other's company. As much as I dislike admitting this, dhs will always have a special place to me even though my time there has been a ride of ups and downs, cos you guys used to make me so happy, and when I had you guys around me, it was the time of my life.

"She knew she didn't love him anymore, at least not in that way, and she knew that although he probably missed her and the memories they shared, he was someplace else now, happier than she could've ever made him; and she, someplace else too. She was no longer a part of his life, somewhat, but she didn't understand why he wouldn't just cease to exist as a whole."

So you'll always have a special place in my heart, and nothing could ever change that or make me forget all that we had, and honestly even now, I still miss you pretty badly on some days. But everyday with him is making things better, and he makes me really happy and he makes me feel so loved in case you were wondering... And sometimes I feel bad cos somedays I feel that I might not ever have the capacity in my heart again, to love him enough, even though he constantly reassures me that I do. Looking at him sometimes, I feel so lucky and blessed, and I learnt my lesson the hard way to cherish the people around me who loves and appreciates me, but talk is cheap and I've come to realise how hard that is to do, but I'm trying. There has been many ups and downs throughout this journey, and I haven't tried this hard to move on from something/someone before, but with his help, though it feels like it's hard sometimes, I'm doing it.

I am so grateful though, despite the many ups and downs I have and feel somedays, I am especially grateful to him for he tolerates me and the mess I can be sometimes, my random panic/anxiety attacks nowadays due to stress, my moodswings, my random breakdowns, my random outbursts. He accepts me for who I am, and never expects me to change for him. He loves me for me, and in all honesty, we could ask for so many things in this world, but this (having someone to love you for who you are and to not ask for anything much in return) is something we could ask for and that might never be ours. I am a lucky girl who is so very blessed, and happy 2 months babe thank you for always being so kind and patient and understanding towards the things I feel and go through *warm hugs* hehehe and as much as I feel that my love for you might be pretty inadequate somedays, thank you for constantly reassuring me that I am adequate, and that my love for you is adequate, and thank you for loving me without asking for much in return. I love you X.

A million shards of glass

WHEEEEEEEE END OF PROMOS GUYSSSS OMG I am so relieved cos there was this point in time pre promos that I got so stressed up I started struggling to breathe sometimes, and it felt kinda like I was about to have a panic attack but thank goodness I was able to control it alittle, and now ITS OVERRR HEHE.

The past few weeks have been really hectic and I can now finally take a breather though I doubt I'll be able to take much of a breather cos we have PW WR and OP to finish up now and yesterday was such a turn off though we just ended our promos, cos we were immediately summoned for pw by our teacher wtf sigh.

Anyway, all these aside, I just can't wait for all the things that I have been planning on doing since pre promos, and I am really excited hehehe :) I can finally have the time to catch up with old friends, esp my dhs friends, and I CANT WAIT FOR THAT COS I MISS THEM SO MUCH.

Many things have happened over the past few weeks and there were many stressful negative vibes that have been really tiring and draining, but I guess at the end of the day, what matters the most is that we don't let these negative vibes get to us cos we're stronger than we think we really are! Broke down a couple of times over the past week, but I remember how someone gave me strength and taught me to be brave and strong, and to be better, and all of the things he taught me will always resound in my head, and in me, no matter what happens.

Also, many positive things have happened to me amidst the negativity which has made me feel really grateful and blessed!! Oh and there's bowling on monday and I really can't wait omg. I also heard that there'll be a band performance by the Scape Invasion in school on monday morning and if it's really gonna happen, I really hope The Sam Willows and Gentle Bones come cos I really wanna see them live omg!!