The storms are raging on the rolling sea

"There's hell; then there're days without you"

Today was a pretty gr8 day!! I went out with the study group and it took them like 983737x hours to decide where they wanted to go the day before on the group and I was honestly getting quite fed up cos its kinda pekcek but we FINALLY decided on going to marina barrage. When we reached Marina Bay, we were super confused as to where to go and we ended up going to the wrong bus stop. The guys were using google maps and they wanted to direct us towards marina barrage which was clearly the wrong direction (... reasons why google maps AND GUYS are unreliable !!!) ((Jk HAHAHAHA)) and luckily we managed to ask this kind bus uncle who directed us towards the right bus stop. As we were walking towards the bus stop, we passed by this super big ass tower that looked like an office building and we all thought it was, until we saw the signage that said "Marina Bay Residence" and we were all rly shocked cos wow that place looked rly high end (I wanna stay at a place like this one day???). Awhile later, we saw MBS and we saw some nice benches there, so we kinda gave up on going to marina barrage and decided on just settling down at the benches outside MBS to picnic cos the weather was too damn hot and no cap or sunglasses could help us deal with the heat LOL. While we were eating the food we bought, some birds started coming (yux) and Josh and Kennee were like running everywhere to chase them away but the birds kept coming back, and more and more started coming, and we got scared when crows started coming, cos crows may attack people so we decided to pack up and look for another place to settle down. We found a place right outside MBS which was sheltered ((yay plus point!!!)) and so we decided to settle down there and continued eating our food. We stayed there for like 2hours plus, just talking and saying random stuff before going into MBS to walk around and stuff ((the toilet there is super atas I LOVE IT LOL)). We got bored afterwards so we decided to go to stadium HAHAHA.

We were shopping at sports hub when I saw a rly rly rly pretty off shoulder top at h&m but it was $39.90 and there was no way I was gonna spend nearly 40bucks on an off shoulder top ((no matter how nice it is)) so I left it there ((why do pretty things always come at such expensive prices??? SIGH)). Then we went to f21 and I saw this cuteass bear sock which was only $2 and Josh bought it for me ((yay thanks bby)) and we just walked around somemore before I had to leave cos I have a curfew... ((yes I know my curfew sux ass but guess who's not gonna care once she hits 18??? Dasrite - me lolll))

But yeah today has been a pretty good friday after all and I'm ever so grateful for all of u guys and am also v grateful for 7/7 attendance today cos it's so different with anyone of yall missing!!☺☺

"Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again"

// I have been rly moody recently as well, and my moodswings have been all over the place but thank YOU for still sticking by me all the time and tolerating with all my shit. It's hard to believe that you're still around after all these time, and sometimes, I feel like I do take you for granted alot, but I am really ever grateful and thankful for you. Thank you for teaching me how to love everyday even though I'm still rly bad at it, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be good at it. They say that time's supposed to heal me, but it has still been really really hard. Thank you though, for sticking by me despite all the mess I made, and thank you for always picking up my pieces after me. I am so unloving on some nights like tonight, cos sometimes I just wanna numb myself and forget what it's like to love, cos love can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, but thank you for reminding me of the beauty of love too from time to time. I know I am a v difficult person to please and love, but thank you for being so willing to do it all the time, and thanks for dealing with all the shit I throw at you. And thank you for loving me even when I'm being unloving as hell, and for tolerating all the times I start having a relapse. Sometimes I really wish I met you first so nothing would be in the way of how I feel and I'd just love you easily and freely without the fear of attachment, but I guess this is what they mean when they say we have to fight rly hard to get the love we deserve. Please trust me when I say I'm still fighting rly hard for the love you deserve ((cos you deserve nothing less than the best)) and when I say I'm still fighting and trying to be, and become better. These days, I have been constantly reminding myself not to have a relapse, and it has been so hard but I AM trying my best. I hate admitting all these to you, and I'd rather blog about this than tell them directly to you cos it's rly so hard to do, but if and when you read this, I hope you know, and I hope it reminds you of how much I appreciate you ((even tho I don't show it much cos I don't rly know how to)), and how much I love you despite my unloving and unfeeling cold nights.

"Under the half moon and its half-light, you found me."

// And to all of you out there who feel rly bad about yourself on some or most days, and are always constantly reminded of your own flaws ((not by others but mostly by yourself)) please know that you're not alone, and please also rmb to constantly surround yourself with positivity and with people who constantly reaffirm you and teach you ways to love yourself. Leave everyone who brings about negativity to your life or those who say things to try to bring you down, cos you of ALL people do not need to deal with shit like that. Self love is as important, no, it's MORE important than the love of others. I really do agree with the statement that "you can only love the people around you when you learn to love yourself" and though I'm so bad at loving myself and everything, I'm learning to, and I'm trying my best. But yas self love is vvv impt guys!!! Please rmb to be kind to yourself, to be gracious and to love yourself ((this is not only a note to myself but to everyone out there who's still struggling with this))☺

((P/S selfie cos yas self love is impt HAHAHAHAHA JK I just wanted to share the things this cute ass app I found can do hehehe okay till next time X.))

You radiate in me what the sun cannot

Blurred were the lines
of our memories
as we trample across them
whilst they lay upon the vast ocean -

We were fighting to drown.

//The day we met//

Blurred were the lines
of our love -

We were two separate entities;
now we're one.

Your light burned through
the holes
that once was my broken soul
and gradually, I became whole //

You radiate in me what the sun cannot.

I can't give you my soul

"Our love has gone cold;

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else."

You're spilling like an overflowing sink

We're living in a shattered world -

Full of broken glass;
And crystals.

We are so fragile,
and such sublime
individuals;
yet so moulded -

So similar.

Right now, we're fighting a battle
that we're trying so hard to tackle;
Every step of the way,
I hear the cackle
of the hindering obstacles,
and silently wish things were better,
as I try my best
to not be consumed by the fears -

Like the glass burnt in the fire.

All the roads, they lead me home

Wow, today is the 2nd last day of February, and with that said, nearly 2 months has gone by. Time really flies. This year is a really important year for me and my friends (and everyone who's taking A's) cos it basically determines where we're headed in the future, and what we'll be doing for the rest of our lives (kinda) and it never feels like we're doing enough no matter how much we seem to be studying (not that I've been doing alot of that which is pretty bad).

Anywayyy, I went out to study with Felicia ytd and we were pretty productive together I guess HAHAHA ((until my productivity got ruined by my mum's 9982958329x phone calls that got me rly pissed)) Nowadays, I get random surges of stress, out of nowhere, due to the hectic schedule and never ending pile of "work to do" I have. School is getting really mundane, and I'm starting to dislike school more and more as the days pass. It is only 2 months into school and I alr can't wait for the school year to end. Everything about school is starting to get really tiring and sickening (to the point where they feel poisonous) and I'm so tired of the shit everything and everyone in school keeps throwing at me. // Half way through studying with Felicia ytd, I tele-ed Josh and jokingly asked him to deliver some sushi to me cos he was also at nex (which was where I was), and I didn't think he would really do it, but suddenly as I was studying, someone poked me in the back, and when I turned around, he was there with my fave tamago sushis in his hand, and it felt like he was delivering so much love to me HEHEHE❤❤❤ Afterwards, me and Felicia went to popular to walk around before she left, and I went to find Josh who came to send me home hehe :)

Had brunch in the morning before heading for econs tuition, and after coming home for awhile, I headed out to get a hair cut. Chopped off like 4.5 inches of my hair today yay (!!!), and I just came back home from dinner and stuff. Am supposed to be doing GP opinion article but I'm just so sian of school zzz. Speaking of GP, I really cannot stand GP lessons wtf. I mean yes Mrs Guna is a really good GP teacher, but her lessons are so boring and rigid, and there is a complete lack of interactivity (esp since she just sits there and drones on and on about her lesson in this super monotonous tone without using the board), sometimes, it feels like I could die listening to her speak sigh... There is also an endless pile of GP homework every single week and I feel like the school is only starting to pay attention to GP in J2 when they should have started doing this in J1 so we don't have to be rushing the GP syllabus now??? Gdi. I absolutely detest school now - can the school year just fking end already?!?!?! UGH.

But anyway, to end off my blog post on a lighter and happier note ((note to self)) - PRESS ON and DON'T let any form of negativity get to you. You are STRONGER than you think; and the bad times WILL pass X.

Angel of the morning

"Our bodies are made of celestial light; and we are hurtling through space and time, towards the most beautiful collision"

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONEEE :)

The past 2 weeks have been draining and exhausting. School has been the same old mundane routine but IT'S CNY YAY so I managed to collect quite abit of angpao and I went bainian-ing at many places this year HEHEHE

I went to malaysia on cny eve to eat reunion dinner, and I was back in SG in the afternoon of day 1. On day 2, people came to my house to visit. Leo, Kath and Josh came over in the morning on day 2 to visit, and Felicia came a little later, so they all met. Felicia and Josh were primary school classmates for 2 years so they alr know each other, and leo and kath have heard of Felicia before so they alr know of her existence but it was still kinda awkz, though it became better and was actl less awkz than I expected it to be, esp when we were playing UNO together HAHAHA. They left my house at 12 and I went to Felicia's house to bainian and I met her friends from her OG and they were rly funny and friendly, and made me laugh alot HAHAHAHA. After going to her house, I went to visit my paternal grandma to bainian and I stayed there for an hour or so before I headed to Josh's house for the class reunion dinner.

Class reunion dinner was really fun and I had a really good time cos many good things happened and I was just really happy generally and I think it's the best time my class has had together with each other in awhile, esp when 17/23 people attended HAHAHA :)

Yesterday, I went out with Josh to celebrate vday and  he treated me to ramen and got a me a bear/ fake rose bouquet and also wrote me a nice card, and I got him a starwars mug (cos he is a starwars nerd and he broke his mug awhile back) and made him a card hehehe :) We also made an impromptu decision to go to Garden's By the Bay and we went to watch "the future of us" exhibition and it was quite cool, and I had a gr8 time with him hehehe❤ Also, tomorrow will be our 6th month together and I can't believe how fast time has passed omg. But through the past 6 months, and through all the ups and downs we've been through together, I'm only learning more things about myself, him and us everyday, and I'm only learning to love him, and every bit of him more and more each day, and for that, for him and his presence, I'm ever grateful❤❤❤ X.

We were in screaming colour

"The world was black and white, but we were in screaming colour"

Hello everyone :) The past week was pretty tiring and boring and I was rly moody for a few days cos I was pmsing pretty badly but today was a rly gr8 day HEHE

Okay so this morning me and felicia met each other at tamp mall at 10.30am to prep for all the stuff we needed for christine's bday, and we were pasting photos onto the notebook we got her and writing our notes for her HAHAHAHA. We then went to get the cake and stuff before going to her house. When we reached her house, me and felicia started to prep the candles and sparklers at the stairs there, trying to make as little noise as possible so that no one would come out to see what was going on. The wind was pretty strong so we wasted quite a number of matches and we failed to light up all the sparklers cos by the time christine came out to her door, 2 of the sparklers had burnt out. But it was a pretty successful birthday surprise for her HEHEHE. We had to celebrate 8 days early cos her birthday happens to fall on the first day of cny this year and we would be busy with our families and stuff so we won't be able to celebrate for her then. BUT YAS HAPPY EARLY 18TH BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND HEHEHE YOU'RE FINALLY LEGAL SO PLS GROW UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE UR 8 HAHAHAHAHA BUT I LAV U VVV MUCH EITHER WAY HEHE❤

Afterwards, I went with felicia to some random block in bedok to alter her school skirt with her before going all the way to somerset to shop for cny clothes and shoes HEHE. We were at scape and I found a dress that fits me pretty well and felicia found her shoe so we headed back to somerset 313 to walk around. While we were at TEMT, something rly funny (and cringe worthy) happened cos I got hit on, and the guy said some stuff that was rly funny LMAO apparently felicia whispered "jesus" and I thought it was a dare at first but I realised it wasn't when I saw his friend's face cos his friend was cringing too LOLOL but yeah shan't go into much detail except the fact that I was just repeating "what the heck is going on" in my head over and over again HAHAHA

But after that, me and felicia left to the mrt and went home and I had a rly gr8 time catching up with her and chan today and I'm so lucky to have such gr8 friends in my life who are also such constants :)