"There's hell; then there're days without you"
Today was a pretty gr8 day!! I went out with the study group and it took them like 983737x hours to decide where they wanted to go the day before on the group and I was honestly getting quite fed up cos its kinda pekcek but we FINALLY decided on going to marina barrage. When we reached Marina Bay, we were super confused as to where to go and we ended up going to the wrong bus stop. The guys were using google maps and they wanted to direct us towards marina barrage which was clearly the wrong direction (... reasons why google maps AND GUYS are unreliable !!!) ((Jk HAHAHAHA)) and luckily we managed to ask this kind bus uncle who directed us towards the right bus stop. As we were walking towards the bus stop, we passed by this super big ass tower that looked like an office building and we all thought it was, until we saw the signage that said "Marina Bay Residence" and we were all rly shocked cos wow that place looked rly high end (I wanna stay at a place like this one day???). Awhile later, we saw MBS and we saw some nice benches there, so we kinda gave up on going to marina barrage and decided on just settling down at the benches outside MBS to picnic cos the weather was too damn hot and no cap or sunglasses could help us deal with the heat LOL. While we were eating the food we bought, some birds started coming (yux) and Josh and Kennee were like running everywhere to chase them away but the birds kept coming back, and more and more started coming, and we got scared when crows started coming, cos crows may attack people so we decided to pack up and look for another place to settle down. We found a place right outside MBS which was sheltered ((yay plus point!!!)) and so we decided to settle down there and continued eating our food. We stayed there for like 2hours plus, just talking and saying random stuff before going into MBS to walk around and stuff ((the toilet there is super atas I LOVE IT LOL)). We got bored afterwards so we decided to go to stadium HAHAHA.
We were shopping at sports hub when I saw a rly rly rly pretty off shoulder top at h&m but it was $39.90 and there was no way I was gonna spend nearly 40bucks on an off shoulder top ((no matter how nice it is)) so I left it there ((why do pretty things always come at such expensive prices??? SIGH)). Then we went to f21 and I saw this cuteass bear sock which was only $2 and Josh bought it for me ((yay thanks bby)) and we just walked around somemore before I had to leave cos I have a curfew... ((yes I know my curfew sux ass but guess who's not gonna care once she hits 18??? Dasrite - me lolll))
But yeah today has been a pretty good friday after all and I'm ever so grateful for all of u guys and am also v grateful for 7/7 attendance today cos it's so different with anyone of yall missing!!☺☺
"Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again"
// I have been rly moody recently as well, and my moodswings have been all over the place but thank YOU for still sticking by me all the time and tolerating with all my shit. It's hard to believe that you're still around after all these time, and sometimes, I feel like I do take you for granted alot, but I am really ever grateful and thankful for you. Thank you for teaching me how to love everyday even though I'm still rly bad at it, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be good at it. They say that time's supposed to heal me, but it has still been really really hard. Thank you though, for sticking by me despite all the mess I made, and thank you for always picking up my pieces after me. I am so unloving on some nights like tonight, cos sometimes I just wanna numb myself and forget what it's like to love, cos love can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, but thank you for reminding me of the beauty of love too from time to time. I know I am a v difficult person to please and love, but thank you for being so willing to do it all the time, and thanks for dealing with all the shit I throw at you. And thank you for loving me even when I'm being unloving as hell, and for tolerating all the times I start having a relapse. Sometimes I really wish I met you first so nothing would be in the way of how I feel and I'd just love you easily and freely without the fear of attachment, but I guess this is what they mean when they say we have to fight rly hard to get the love we deserve. Please trust me when I say I'm still fighting rly hard for the love you deserve ((cos you deserve nothing less than the best)) and when I say I'm still fighting and trying to be, and become better. These days, I have been constantly reminding myself not to have a relapse, and it has been so hard but I AM trying my best. I hate admitting all these to you, and I'd rather blog about this than tell them directly to you cos it's rly so hard to do, but if and when you read this, I hope you know, and I hope it reminds you of how much I appreciate you ((even tho I don't show it much cos I don't rly know how to)), and how much I love you despite my unloving and unfeeling cold nights.
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| "Under the half moon and its half-light, you found me." |
// And to all of you out there who feel rly bad about yourself on some or most days, and are always constantly reminded of your own flaws ((not by others but mostly by yourself)) please know that you're not alone, and please also rmb to constantly surround yourself with positivity and with people who constantly reaffirm you and teach you ways to love yourself. Leave everyone who brings about negativity to your life or those who say things to try to bring you down, cos you of ALL people do not need to deal with shit like that. Self love is as important, no, it's MORE important than the love of others. I really do agree with the statement that "you can only love the people around you when you learn to love yourself" and though I'm so bad at loving myself and everything, I'm learning to, and I'm trying my best. But yas self love is vvv impt guys!!! Please rmb to be kind to yourself, to be gracious and to love yourself ((this is not only a note to myself but to everyone out there who's still struggling with this))☺
((P/S selfie cos yas self love is impt HAHAHAHAHA JK I just wanted to share the things this cute ass app I found can do hehehe okay till next time X.))
