Hello friends :) I was re-reading my new year's resolution for 2015 and out of the 51 things I wanted to achieve in the year of 2015, I achieved 25 of them and even though it's only half and quite little, I'm happy for what I've achieved, and for those that I haven't, I have decided that either I no longer see the point of achieving them, or I will continue to put them into my New Year's Resolution this year HEHE.
To be honest, 2015 has been one heck of a ride. I wouldn't say it's the best year, but it's also not the worst. It taught me many things, like all the other previous years, and I've learnt alot.
In 2015, I met many different kinds of people, and everyday, I'm still learning how to deal with different people differently. Like I mentioned, I met many fake and pretentious people this year, and even though this is kinda unfortunate, thanks to them, I was able to identify who my true friends are, and I have learnt to cherish them more, so hey guys, thanks for the blessing in disguise (?!?!?!)
In terms of stress level, I must say that 2015 was definitely one that was made up of high stress levels. I don't think I have ever been more panicky or stressful over my work/ results, and I have definitely never rly been near to having a panic attack before (not even pre O's) until this year. This year was tough esp during the period where we had to juggle with promos prep and PW WR at the same time. I don't think I've ever felt more stressed out in my entire life, but I guess it's a good thing (in some twisted way LOL) cos at least it shows that I have some expectations for myself, which is something I've always lacked before JC. This year, I'm rather happy with myself cos even though I could have worked alot harder than I did, I must say that I have been rather consistent with my work, and rather motivated in some way. Ofc, this motivation has got to stay and reach even higher points this year, so that I can achieve what I would like to achieve at the end of the year, and help me to chase my dreams (yas wow) for the future.
In terms of personal growth, I think that many people have made some pretty damn gr8 impact in my life in 2015, and I hope they cont to be a vvv important part of my life in the many years to come. I guess I drifted from some friends this year, BUT I also became closer to other friends. I guess that's what life is about - people come and people go. Even though not everyone might agree with this, I believe that everyone who enters our lives, enters for a reason (be it good or bad) and they all make an impact on our lives somehow. And some of these people who enter our lives, might leave one day due to many unforeseen reasons, and I'm not saying that those who leave weren't worthy enough to stay cos some really were, but hey, I guess sometimes, some things just aren't meant to be, and what will be, will be, right?
This year, I've learnt many things. I have learnt to be more focused, to be more on task. I have learnt that sometimes, we have to learn to ignore the people around us; we have to learn to ignore the things they say. Sometimes, it's not always the need to prove people right, but the need to believe in our own beliefs, and to just listen to ourselves more, and to know that, if this is what you think is right, what anyone else says, should not and does not matter.
In life, we'll always meet different people who mean different things to us. Some would come into our life and make such a huge impact, and you'd think that they'd stay for good, cos that's what you would like them to do, but, they leave. Sometimes we make mistakes in life, and we blame ourselves so much for it, but we forget to learn from the mistakes. I have learnt that not everyone who enters my life are meant to stay, and instead of crying and wallowing over the fact that I've lost them, I'll pick up the gr8 memories we once had and shared together, and use them to bring me to a further destination in life. I have learnt to take a break in life sometimes, and to just stop and reflect on what went right/ wrong, and to learn from the victory/ mistakes, and to grow as a person from there.
This year, I learnt that sometimes, it's easy to say that when you want something better to come, you have to let go, but in reality, letting go is harder than it really seems. I learnt that sometimes, we really have to bare our hearts and be vulnerable, and to open up the freshest wounds, in order for better things to come. Sometimes, it is in our hands, whether or not we choose to accept the good things that are out there for us.
"Baby looks as though we're running out of words to say, and love's floating away"
Sometimes, you meet people who'll mean the world to you. They leave, and we feel broken, cos it feels like they took a part of you with them. It's no one's fault, but you can't help but feel like everything that was ever right for you, is now all wrong. I was detached, and I guess I was in pieces, even though, ironically, you were also the person who fixed me, and put me back together. I'm still trying to heal from everything that we were, and I'm still trying to become better, but I'm also learning to just think of the good times that we shared, instead of the times, when things started turning bad. Sometimes, these people end up becoming the people who meant the world to you. Sometimes, even after they've left, you still miss them like crazy cos you'll always love them. But I've learnt that, that doesn't mean you haven't let go of them. I'm still trying to figure out what it is, but I just hope that you'll find your own happiness one day. Maybe, if things are meant to be, you'll be a huge part of my life again, one day. Meanwhile, I hope you're doing good X.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
Sometimes, we just have to take that first step out, and just let ourselves fall, and let things be. 10 months ago, this guy entered my life. A month later, we were at camp together, and he sat in front of me on the bus, and I thought he was fun to tease so I started to tease him and 'bully' him HAHAHA. We started getting closer and closer to each other. In June, somehow, we started talking everyday through text and stuff, and we told each other alot of stuff. I didn't think much about it, but he became a very good friend to me, and I enjoyed his company and talking to him alot. In July, on the youth day holiday, we went out alone together for the first time. We watched paper towns and tbh for me, I still only saw him as a friend. We continued talking to each other everyday, and naturally, we became closer and closer. Somewhere at the end of July/ start of August, something began to change. 7th August, we went out together again for the 2nd time, and things were indeed different. Something had changed and I was honestly scared. 8th August, he hinted at me and kinda told me how he felt. I was confused. My fear of attachment due to past incidences was eating at me, and I wasn't sure how things were gonna be, and I was afraid of getting hurt if things didn't work out. I talked to Felicia about it and I remember her telling me and I quote "IF U WANNA FEEL HAPPY AND SHIT, U GOT TO BE VULNERABLE TO LIKE LET URSELF FEEL THINGS" and it honestly kinda struck a chord in me. The fear of attachment, of hurt, and of losing a person had caused me to forget what it meant to be vulnerable. But she reminded me of that again. Of course, I told him about all my fears. I told him what had happened in the past, and what had caused the fears, because I felt that he had enough rights to know. He understood and I remember him saying this to me "Idk how to put it across but, I can't promise that things will always be perfect, cause it never is. But what if we can be happy and not hurt?" It took alot in me to put myself out there, so raw and vulnerable, but I took that first step out and decided to give it a try. 15th August, he asked me out and I said yes. Over the past 4 months, he taught me to open up my heart again, and he taught me so many things tbh. Ofc out of the many things he taught me, he taught me to love someone again, and he taught me to be happy. We've had our share of ups and downs (more ups than downs thank God), and everyday, I'm still learning to love him more, but he has been such a blessing. He has made me feel so loved, and everyday, I'm getting better and better. I am so grateful for him - for always caring, for always being around, for always tolerating and accepting me, and ofc, for loving me.
"Thank you for making me feel so blessed and loved all the time"
"Thank you for letting me do it"
I'm sorry I haven't been the easiest person to deal with, but thank you for staying, and thank you for always trying your best to be understanding. Thank you for giving in to me so much. Thank you for always trying to make me happy. Thank you for always being around to listen to me rant even when I feel like I'm getting annoying. Thank you for tolerating and accepting all my flaws. I'm still learning how to love a person better everyday, but thank you for bearing with me. I'm sorry for not always loving you enough (or at least that's what I feel somedays), but thank YOU for letting me love you. I love you, and thank you thank you thank you, for everything. 2015 would definitely not have been the same without you, and I hope you stay in my life for a vvv (x93882935986239248) long time XXX.
And of course, thank you felicia for always listening to me rant to you about anything and everything. Thank you for trusting me with so much stuff, and thank you for letting me trust you with so much too. Thank you for being one of my best and closest friends, and for being that one friend I can say so much shit, and do so much shit with. Our friendship is possibly the only friendship I have that is a joke cos we're full of shit all the time omg HAHAHAHA, but at the same time, also v genuine and serious and real. I lav u so much friend and thanks soooo much for being such a constant in my life. I am ever grateful for u HEHEHE *virtual hugs* cos u will never let me hug u irl for no reason HAHAHAHAHAHA LAV U V MUCH U SHITZ.
And thank you chansan, kelly and joy for being 3 other (rather) constants in my life. Yall are significant to me in your own ways and I'm super grateful to have u guys in my life and as I said I hope yall stay in my life 5eva hehehehe LAV YALL V MUCH TOO and thank you for being such wonderful friends YAYZ.
And okay I've done enough dedis here and on my ig PA so yuppp time to move on to RESOLUTIONS (!!!)
Firstly, let me kick off the things I have managed to achieve from my 2015 Resolution List.
1) Grab a few good books (aka book shopping!!!)
2) Get a hair cut (I have been pretty damn lazy to get one hahaha) ((chopped off more than 8 inches of my hair this year YAY))
3) 放天灯with Joy!!!☺❤
4) Have a movie marathon (!!!)
5) Get contact lens
6) Go café hopping!!!☺☺
7) Get rid of bad habits
8) GET FIT (run regularly HAHAHA) ((have been working out regularly!!!))
9) Buy more new clothes!!! (They are never enough idk hahaha fml)
10) Buy more new shoes!!!
11) Go pinicking☺☺
12) Have a sleepover at someone's house (!!!)
13) BAKING☺☺☺
14) Ramen and sushi with Felicia omggg HAHAHA☺❤ ((wanna cont doing this tho so I'll put it up again HAHAHA))
15) Keep in contact with chem tuition friends and meet up with them occasionally☺
16) No more binging on food (aka eat healthier!!!) ((have been doing less of this so I guess its counted?))
17) Stop procastinating and start being more focused, and more on task (!!!) ((will put this in again ofc HAHA))
18) Give myself some quality time a few times in a week, and do some self reflection☺ ((will cont))
19) Go to the movies alone
20) Be a happier person (You have the ability and choice to make yourself happy - you choose your own happiness)
21) Be more positive and be a less negative person!!!
22) To find love and to be loved (I mean this in so many ways) ☺ ((I hope this stays hehe))
23) To be contented with what I have in life, and learn to appreciate & cherish the people around me more (You never know what's gonna happen in the next minute) ((I'm still learning))
24) To be a stronger and more resilient individual
25) To be more independent
26) To be more outgoing as a person - learn to talk to strangers and make friends, and stop being so socially awkward
27) Step out of my comfort zone occasionally
28) Take roller coaster rides and try not to puke HAHAHA
29) Face my fears and watch a horror movie (MAYBE)
30) Stop being so afraid of getting hurt and the idea of attachment, and detaching myself from someone, ruining that relationship I have with the person everytime I start to get a little deeper and closer to the person ((still learninggg omg))
31) Be a cleaner and tidier person
32) Stop being so lazy
33) Be more tolerant and patient
34) Be a better friend, a better person and THE better person
35) Save up more money (!!!!!!)
36) Get a pair of sunglasses LOL IDK HAHAHA
37) ✨HAVE A BLAST ON MY 17TH BIRTHDAY YAS✨
38) Be brave and be courageous
39) Try to live with no regrets
40) Blog more often ((will contttt))
41) Listen and observe more in conversations
42) Buy a polaroid instax printer!!!
43) Sign up for cooking classes☺
44) Spend more quality time with my family (!!!) ☺
45) Try to lessen/minimise the amount of time spent on my phone
46) Keep faith in what I think is right personally, and not be wavered by peer pressure
47) Learn that it's okay to make mistakes, and learn from the mistakes made
48) Find work in the holidays and earn more money, and not give up so easily LOL
49) Know my self-worth and what I deserve, and not take anything less than that (You are the love you think you deserve)
50) Be a more accepting person and accept people's flaws along with their good sides, but at the same time, take no bullshit from others and learn to stand up for myself (!!!)
51) Live 2015 to the fullest (and the years to come) and complete my 2015 New Year's Resolution!!!☺☺❤
2016 New Year's Resolution
What I hope for myself:
1) To be more determined and focused
2) To be more motivated
3) To be a stronger and more resilient individual
4) To be more positive, and not let the negative vibes around me affect me
5) To listen more, and talk less
6) To have a blast on my 18th cos I TURN LEGAL YAY ✨✨✨
7) To become a better person
8) To learn to fill myself with more happy vibes
9) To be more tolerant and accepting, and get annoyed/ affected less
10) To spend more quality time with my loved ones (both friends and family)
11) To set my priorities right
12) To save up more and have better control over my money/ expenses
13) To try to get a balance between studies-friends-boyfriend-family
14) To be more contented with what I have instead of always pining for more and making comparisons with other people
15) To be more careful and cautious of people
16) To be more organised
17) To become a better person, and THE better person
18) To be less lazy
19) To learn to open up my heart even more
20) To learn to love the people who are closest to me in my life more
21) To be healthier emotionally and physically
21) To learn to take care of myself more
22) To learn to take care and care for the people around me more
23) To love myself more so I can love the people around me better (learn to love yourself first, before you are capable of loving the people around you)
What I want to do:
1) 放天灯 with Joy (ahh we have put this off for like more than a year omg)
2) Baking (!!!!!!)
3) Learn to cook better
4) Spend less time on electronic devices and spend more time with people face to face
5) Go out to work after A's and earn $$$
6) Do well for A's and get into either Psychology/ Sociology in NUS
7) Aim for all the As in A's (U CAN DO IT IF U WORK FOR IT YAS U CAN)
8) Dye the ends of my hair/ highlight my hair ash gray with tints of purple
9) Travel around Singapore and explore places I have never been to before / travel to other places out of Singapore (!!!)
10) Perm my hair (???)
11) Buy makeup with the money I earned from work
12) Go swimming more and eat less unhealthy food (!!!)
And yay okay I hope to achieve the things I have in my 2016 new year's resolution list, and here's to a definitely stressful (cos A's) but hopefully gr8 year ahead!!!☺☺
